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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23157367">To the beautiful you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/OldBearSoul/pseuds/OldBearSoul'>OldBearSoul</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Depression, Eating Disorders, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Unhealthy Relationships, Vomiting</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 11:47:26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>24,649</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23157367</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/OldBearSoul/pseuds/OldBearSoul</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The war left him many scars, and one of them, the worst, was not physical.</p><p>Snarry</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Harry Potter/Severus Snape</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>141</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 1 </p><p>Sunday, 9</p><p> "Harry was really hungry today" Fred said with a mocking smile. His stomach was aching, but he struggled to hold on. "George, we have to be aware of him, some day he makes us uncles." </p><p> </p><p>George shake Harry's hair while laughing. That just made him feel worse. </p><p> </p><p>"Let Harry in peace," Molly interrupted with a frown and fists on her hips. “The poor man works so hard that he must live starving.” </p><p> </p><p>"Well, that does not refuse," George approached his mother and, raising both hands, nodded diligently, "if he has eaten more than all of us together. At least I hope we can name the baby.” </p><p> </p><p>George looked her and Molly couldn't help smiling a little, but as a good mother, she pushed the twins into the courtyard, telling them to stop bothering. Behind her, Hermione and Fleur had laughed at the comment and Ron, who had gone outside, only snort. </p><p> </p><p>Harry don´t said nothing, just looked at his plate, silently suspected and stuck his fork in the last piece of cake he had left; He brought it to his mouth and swallowed almost without chewing.</p><p>To tell the truth, the one who had filled his plate had been Mrs. Weasly, who he knew was not going to feel happy until she saw him finish the last bite, and he, knowing she can make a scene about his bad eating habits in front Of all those gathered there, he had to give in and eat.</p><p>But after eating a Bath Bun, one Lasagna, the Fleur's Special Salad, and a large piece of Pumpkin pie, “your favorite” Mrs. Weasley said, seconded by Hermione, Harry felt that he was going to explode.</p><p>He thought he should have refused. Why didn't he do it? Because when he set a foot in the Burrow Molly had almost cried when she hugged him, just for that? Because everyone have him tired every time they asked him: "Are you okay?” Something else? Because it was Molly and Arthur who personally served him while the others could serve themselves and perhaps, what had more weight on him was that there were too many people so that, if he refused to eat, there was no discussion about his health.</p><p>He was the last to finish.</p><p>And Molly took his plate to the kitchen.</p><p>"Don't worry, my heart, I can handle this," Molly said, waving her hand. And he, again, was not going to refuse.</p><p>He vaguely apologized to go to the bathroom and, closing the second floor door, put a tiny spell of silence and approaching the toilet, put two fingers in his throat and vomited.</p><p>He rested one of his hands on the top of the tank and the other on the wall when he felt he was going to fall. Sometimes he wondered if one day that act would stop being unpleasant, after all, didn't he do it very often? Repetitive actions were supposed to become habits, and habits stopped weighing the body.</p><p>Remembering everything he ate made him more nauseous, and the thought that he still had dinner in that house further accentuated the situation, which was already quite bad. </p><p>He had stopped eating. And if he did, it was in very small portions. But Mrs. Weasley — and it had to be admitted that Arthur supported her — wanted to make him eat what twenty men couldn´t eat together just because she saw him "too thin."</p><p>Until he felt completely empty, arcades did not stop, and when he managed to stop vomiting he slowly stood up, staggered to the sink, wet his face with plenty of water and looked in the mirror.</p><p>Yes, he was thin… And emaciated ... And pale… and haggard.</p><p>But that was nothing that a Glamure spell could not fix. Unfortunately, glamor ceased to function in situations where his forces declined. And vomiting weakened people.</p><p> </p><p>Besides, the spell had to be very weak. He couldn't spend every day keeping a Glamure too strong; Not only would it be too tiring and easy to detect, but if it fell off in front of someone, the difference would be too noticeable. That's why he only made subtle changes. His dark circles showed, but not as deep as they were. He hid enough his paleness to not appear ill, so if someone asked him he only had to say that he did not take enough sun. </p><p> </p><p>The spell was in charge of his face, the rest, his clothes. </p><p> </p><p>He quickly replaced the glamour. He had used it so much that he had become a part of him, something he could not continue to live without. And in a way it was true. </p><p> </p><p>He closed his eyes for a moment, trying to recover from the discomfort, regulating his breathing. </p><p>"The bathroom is painted blue," he began, putting into practice the method he had developed some time ago. "Light blue” continuous “has red ornaments, and golden details. I like. I feel comfortable in it….”</p><p> </p><p> After a while he decided to go down. He had stopped for a moment in the hall before reaching the stairs to look at "the picture." The picture was of Ron when he was 9 years old. Apparently he had made a joke to the twins, and they had taken revenge by dressing him as a bunny, totally pink, and then shooting him a picture. Molly had discovered them, but when she saw the picture, the pout of her little son so gracefully dressed seemed too tender, and she had finished framing it to hang it in the middle of the hallway along with other less funny ones.</p><p> </p><p>Ron must have complained, and he kept complaining every time he saw the photo, but his mother always told him that it was those tender memories that people should keep. </p><p> </p><p>When he reached the stairs he realized that the interior of the house felt calm. Apparently everyone had already gone to the back to play whatever they were going to play. He hoped it wasn't Quidditch, they were going to want him to play, and he wasn't in the mood.</p><p> </p><p> "Hey Harry, I came to think that you had gone to sleep — the voice came from Sirius, looking quite happy at the bottom of the stairs — or a hand, too. Nobody knows.”</p><p> Harry forced himself to smile. He felt bad again. </p><p> </p><p>“You are waiting for me?” </p><p> </p><p>Sirius ran a hand through his hair and swung his weight from one foot to the other. </p><p>"They want to know in what team you'll be on." </p><p>Quidditch </p><p>"I won't be able to play."</p><p> </p><p>His godfather narrowed his eyes. He hastened to explain himself.</p><p>"I had a mission yesterday. There was a moment when I hit a wall, nothing serious” he raised both hands and finished down the stairs “but if I want to be ready when they call me again, I don't think I should mistreat my back playing against the twins.”</p><p>It was not a complete lie. He had had to go on a mission the day before, and he had hit a wall, but no more damage was done than a slight bruise that hurt him very little.</p><p>His godfather looked at him for a moment, looking for something he apparently didn't find. He felt restless about the scan, there were too many things he hid to not feel that way.</p><p>“Was he strong?”</p><p>Harry denied.</p><p>“They were two. That's why they took me off guard. But only three spells were enough to immobilize them.”</p><p>Sirius seemed pleased and went to the back to tell everyone that Harry wouldn't play. The latter felt some relief from being left alone and, for a moment, relaxing his face before leaving.</p><p>He was right, everyone was already outside.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 2.</p><p>Monday, 10 </p><p>He had a slight shiver when he reached the level of the dungeons. It was almost like being out in the snow, he never understood how the Slytherins could live the entire school year in that place without freezing, and more so in winter. He sighed heavily as he ran a hand through his hair. </p><p>He had been assigned to a simple mission that would take no more than two minutes to complete, and thanks to McGonagall, who had seen him enter the castle, he lost more than twenty minutes between cookies and tea. A reproachful smile and a "you have a lot time without visit us, Mr. Potter" had left him no choice. Minerva had made major changes to the office that formerly belonged to Dumbledore, but she couldn't get rid of the lemon-candy plate on the desk, nor could she avoid offering her one as soon as he entered the office. </p><p>He stopped when he was in front of Snape's office. He watched the door closely; He had not seen Snape for a long time, and did not understand why he felt so anxious. He thought he should be worried, after all he was late at the agreed time, his former teacher would surely be angry for being late, and with good reason. He preferred to take a good breath and calm down, made sure the glamor was fine and knock the door. </p><p> </p><p>……………………………………… </p><p> </p><p>Snape looked up as soon as he heard a knock on his door. He was making notes about modifications to a potion he had to make for the school nurse. He thought correctly that it would be the Auror assigned to him.</p><p>Even with the Dark Lord dead, there were plenty of Death Eaters to worry about and watch out for. Many had already shown that they were capable of giving their lives to avenge their lord's death. </p><p>Snape was cooperating by creating and modifying certain potions. Specifically, he was working on a modification of the Wolf Slayer Potion, while also supplying the Ministry. After Voldemort's death, and thanks to the efforts of many, the Department of Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures had been transformed quite a bit. But it wasn't until Hermione was placed in charge, that she gave the change the Magical world really needed. Now it was a department that not only regulated, but helped all creatures. In the case of werewolves, it made it easier for them to obtain the potion. And Severus was in charge of supplying them, besides he was working on it from time to time, trying to improve it. And others were helping with different potions. At first a simple messenger would come and collect the list of what he needed, bring it to the Ministry, bring him what he had requested, and when the potion was ready, he would take it to him.</p><p>But a group of Death Eaters decided that the magical creatures, as their lord said, were scum, and had no right to what was being given to them.</p><p>They attacked every order they could. Including the Ministry warehouse where they were kept, as well as the houses of the collaborating potionists. Snape, being at school, ran with luck not to be attacked. Hogwarts was too protected for Death Eaters to attempt to attack him. </p><p>The Ministry had to take strong security measures. Including replacing messengers with Aurors. The orders were made at the rate of a month, so it would not take much time from their work, and in this way the transport would be safer. So, as before with the messenger, he saw an Auror three times a month. Who collected the information of what he needed, brought him the ingredients and took the potions.</p><p> </p><p>The Auror that had touched Severus always arrived some minutes late, which obviously made him angry. And that day would be no different. So when he opened the door, he had one of his most furious stares and was ready to yell at the incompetent Auror for his tardiness.</p><p> </p><p>Until he saw it was Harry.</p><p>—Potter</p><p>Harry could only nod as he swayed from one foot to the other. It wasn't the pose that an Auror should have, but he and Snape had long since gained some confidence. Severus had to remember to breathe, some months ago he had not seen Harry. Not that he stopped thinking about him. But nothing compared to reality, especially when he wore his uniform. Even though he did not like the dangerous work of the Gryffindor, there was no denying that the uniform fit him too well. He noted that he had changed since the last time he saw him, he was thinner, and with considerable dark circles, but he attributed it to the workload that the Aurors department must have had with the constant attacks of Death Eaters that were increasing lately. He also had shorter, well-groomed hair. He thought that Harry looked much better when he was disheveled.</p><p>It took almost an eternity for him to realize that Harry had asked him a question, and it took another eternity to understand that he had simply asked "how are you?"</p><p>He didn't know how to answer that, he really felt out of place. His brain had shut off in less than a second when he saw him so suddenly. It was as if his mind could only concentrate on recognizing every detail of the Auror, and engraving every inch of his face, and every change discovered, so he could remember him at ease in case he didn't see him again for several months. But he quickly focused on answering something and not look so stupid.</p><p> </p><p>“What are you doing here?” He mentally hit himself after saying that, even just hitting his forehead against the door, Potter would think that his presence was not welcome, when it was just the opposite.</p><p>But to his luck, Harry seemed to take it well.</p><p>“A little rough, huh Snape?” He said as he made a kind of smile. Snape stepped aside to let him pass.</p><p>“I thought you would be catching the bad guys and signing autographs, aren't you the Wonder Auror?” He hadn't started out the best, but he tried his best not to look like an idiot again (or at least not that idiotic) for the duration of the Auror´s visit.</p><p>Harry shrugged as Severus closed the door behind him. The youngest was silent for a moment, unobtrusively observing where he was. The last time he was in that office was the night before the last battle. He had discovered that Severus was a spy for Dumbledore the same night that he had to kill him, and at that time it was the only support Severus had. It was an odyssey to avoid sending the man to Azkaban after the war, but Harry fought until the last minute, even fighting for two months with Sirius, who did not want to accept the innocence of the potionist. </p><p> </p><p>"I come to get the list of what you need for potions."</p><p>Severus was still leaning against the door while Harry took one of the chairs in front of his desk, to turn it and sit down.</p><p>“And what about the assigned Auror? Albert, Alfred...”</p><p>“Angus.” Harry smiled at that “He had an accident in his last mission, he hurt his knee and he won't be able to walk in some days. I think he'll take care of the paperwork in the meantime. So I was assigned to you. You will have to endure my presence three times a month.”</p><p>Harry's smile was quite broad and sincere. And Severus couldn't help but feel immensely happy at the news.</p><p>“Will it be temporary?” Severus asked. He really begged it not to be temporary. But he tried to make his face more neutral as he walked to his desk.</p><p>Harry shrugged again as he swiveled his chair when the other sat behind the desk. Severus thought he should offer him tea and something to eat.</p><p>"Just tea, thanks. And answering your question, I guess not. Most likely, he will be assigned to someone else. Unless you ask to be reordered, maybe you could…”</p><p>"No!" Severus interrupted too loudly for his liking. He cleared his throat a little, and poured himself some tea when an elf appeared with the tray “don't get me wrong, Potter, Mr. Adam…”</p><p>“Angus”</p><p>"Angus," Snape corrected himself, he really wasn't interested in learning the stupid Auror's name, "Mr. Angus was a real headache. I would prefer that this change be maintained.”</p><p>"So you prefer me," said Harry, smiling faintly behind his mug.</p><p>Severus considered for a moment what he might say. Many things came to his mind, but he was content to say a half truth: “You are more bearable.”</p><p> </p><p>Harry smiled again at the comment. So many months without seeing the potionist made him forget how calm he felt when he was near to Severus. Snape would have wanted to stay all afternoon with the Auror, but the boy had to go. Besides that he told him all the time that McGonagall kept him, and that his superior would probably tell him something because of the clear delay. While searching the list he had prepared in one of his drawers, Snape noticed that Harry's drink was almost intact, but the boy covered himself saying that he had had enough with what he had eaten in Minerva's office. Snape made a mental note that perhaps the tea was too bitter for the taste of the other, and that he could better offer the Auror a coffee that he liked so much.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Chapter 3</p><p> </p><p>When Harry finally reached his apartment, he felt immensely exhausted. Of course, Mark, his superior, claimed him for the almost hour delay in the small mission of looking for a list that would only take minutes. But finally he didn´t claim much, and rather he felt sorry for the hostile of Severus Snape, and more after the happiness that overflowed Angus of no longer being in charge of the man.</p><p> </p><p>Before that he had had to go to a small community tracking down the alleged appearance of Death Eaters. He had to stay hidden from Ron for almost two hours so that he would not ask him to accompany him to eat, and to prevent two of his coworkers from fighting over simple childishness. But at least he could rest now.</p><p> </p><p>He walk into his apartment, feeling once again how much he missed Privet Drive.</p><p> </p><p>But Privet Drive was one of the things Voldemort had taken it upon himself to destroy before his death.</p><p> </p><p>He went to the bathroom quickly, feeling too full to eat. He had endured enough, but now that he could relax, and dropping the glamour, he felt the true weight of what he had consumed in McGonagall's office, and he wanted to vomit quite strongly. There wouldn't be much left in his stomach to return, but the smell of cookies reached his brain, and he savored the sweet tea again, and the memory that he had ingested made him retch. Only when he felt that he could stand up, and that his stomach could no longer return anything, he decided to go into the shower.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When he came out a short time later, he stared at his naked body in the only mirror he had. He had broken all his mirrors a few years ago in an impulse of despair. When he left Hogwarts, Molly and Arthur offered to stay with them until his training as Auror ended, but he flatly refused, citing all possible excuses. But he never said that he couldn't live with them out of fear. Fear that they would discover what was happening. He had bought that small apartment, in preference to a house, because he did not have Red Flu, and in this way he avoided visits.</p><p> </p><p>  He hated to see himself in the mirrors. And more when it did not have the glamour. It was quite a profanity, certainly as his uncle said. So he decided to solve it by breaking every mirror he could find.</p><p> </p><p>Two years after moving, he found Cedric. Or maybe Cedric found Harry. The truth was that for once, since he was at Hogwarts and all his hell had started, he wanted someone to realize that he was not as happy as he said. But the first day he slept with Diggory, he realized that everything he did was correct. Cedric loved his face with glamour, and the feel of his body through clothing. But he didn't use glamour to cover his body, he didn't think the other cared so much, he even thought he could drop the glamour on his face if Cedric wanted. But as soon as the other saw his naked body, he walked away as if Harry was burning.</p><p> </p><p>Scars. Horrible and ugly scars was all that Voldemort left him. Both in the soul and in the body. Especially a huge one that crossed his chest in a curve that ran from the bottom of his left clavicle to the tip of his sternum. It had been made with dark magic, and there was no way it would heal in a good way.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He had to beg Cedric not to leave, to forgive him. He taught him that he could do a glamour spell to cover the scars, or that he could wear a T-shirt. Cedric accepted, and they spent their first night.</p><p> </p><p>They had been together for three years and Harry never told him that he also used a Glamure for his face.</p><p> </p><p>Cedric had not realized Harry's lies. Maybe because he didn't care too much. He knew Potter did not eat, but that was none of his business. The fact that he vomited sometimes could be due to not eating the right things, and he wasn't going to get up in the middle of the night to help Potter because he didn't know how to eat.</p><p> </p><p>Cedric only realized that Harry had no mirrors, and made him buy a full body mirror to install in the bathroom.</p><p> </p><p>He thought of the Hufflepuff. By the time their relationship started, Harry was eating considerably little, but he still liked sweets a lot, until Cedric saw him eating a bar of chocolate, and twisting the gesture he had said: “in addition to the scars, you will have to hide your future obesity." And Harry realized that the badger was right. The food made him nauseous already. So he preferred to focus on eating small portions. And mainly, no sugar. Everything he ate outside his norms made him gag.</p><p> </p><p>Her boyfriend did not arrive that night. Sometimes he would go days without seeing him. But Diggory had an important job at a magazine editorial, Harry himself had gotten that position. It was obvious that he would not have time to lose it with the ...</p><p> </p><p>He put on long-sleeved pajamas and headed for the balcony. Being a sixteenth floor, the view was very beautiful. And more at night, when below everything was colored dots that moved among themselves. He felt the breeze caress his face. He closed his eyes as he leaned against the rail. It was one of the best feelings.</p><p> </p><p>A flutter brought him out of his reverie.</p><p> </p><p>“An owl at this hour?”</p><p> </p><p>He stroked the owl without recognizing it. The animal did not want to give him the letter before he looked for something in the kitchen that he could eat. Already with the letter in hand he realized that the sender was Remus. He entered the room to sit and read the letter. The owl was not gone, so he had to send an answer.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Harry</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I hope you were awake and not awakened by Laurie, Sirius' new owl. I thought he had sent you a letter early, but it turns out he forgot (as always). It is almost impossible to meet you at the Ministry, so it was necessary to say it in writing. We have finally unpacked the boxes, so you are officially invited to our new house, even if you have already seen it. I know you have two hours for lunch, so we will be waiting for you with the food ready on the table. Sirius is more than excited, I must say. And not to mention Teddy. Do not try to bring anything as a gift.</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>Remus Lupine</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He gave a long sigh visualizing his options. He really had no escape, and he really wanted to see Remus, the lycanthrope hadn't been able to go to the Weasleys' house the day before. And lately he was more attached to his godfather. After the time in the ministry that Bellatrix nearly killed Black, he felt much closer to him. And without knowing why, he had been reliving in dreams certain terrible moments of the war; sometimes he even woke up crying, believing that Sirius had died</p><p> </p><p>He realized that he would only have to avoid eating for that night, and not have breakfast tomorrow. That would make it able to withstand the large mountain of food Remus cooked.</p><p> </p><p>He smiled at the thought of Remus cooking his godfather. After Tonks' death in the fight against Voldemort, Sirius had decided to support Remus with Teddy's care. Although Sirius knew less about babies than the werewolf knew. But it was undeniable that his help on full moon nights was indispensable. Until now they were just friends who shared the house, Teddy's upbringing and many years together. But Sirius no longer spoke of his conquests, or rather, he no longer spoke of women. And it was very noticeable that when they were both close, they looked immensely happy. More than Harry ever saw them. He wondered if this was how it would look when he was with Cedric….</p><p> </p><p>
  <strong>The owl pecked his hand to get him out of his reverie, Laurie looked impatient to return home. So he scribbled an affirmative answer on the same letter and tied it to Laurie's leg. He peeked out from the balcony when he flew out, and felt the same calm again that he felt every time he leaned on the railing and the breeze caressed his face.</strong>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 4</p><p> </p><p>Wednesday 12.</p><p> </p><p>He had not seen Cedric since Saturday, the badger had left him a letter on Tuesday night when it appeared to be his apartment before he arrived.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“I just came to pick up a few things, have you seen my gray tie? I will try to come tomorrow for dinner, if I can get out of work ”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He looked up from the reports he was organizing, luckily he had had no field work that day; And although he preferred it a thousand times over doing boring paperwork, lately he was feeling more tired than usual.</p><p> </p><p>—Auror Potter</p><p> </p><p>He had been lost in his mind when he heard Trist's voice. He was a pretty young and cute boy who reminded him a lot of Luna Lovegood in a male version. He worked as an assistant for the Aurores department. Trist smiled at him as soon as he got his attention.</p><p> </p><p>"I said you can call me Harry."</p><p> </p><p>Trist nodded as he tucked a strand of blond hair behind his ear.</p><p> </p><p>“The order for Severus Snape has just arrived.”</p><p> </p><p>Harry stretched out under the boy's watchful eye. He had spent a full day sitting filling out papers that didn't seem to end. The idea of moving his legs a little and going to talk to Snape doesn't seem bad to him. And more because talking to Snape was something he liked a lot...</p><p> </p><p>“Is true what the Auror Angus says?” The boy asked as he leaned back a little from Harry's desk.</p><p> </p><p>“McFly says a lot of things.”</p><p> </p><p>Trist seemed to agree with a smile. Harry noted that the boy was smiling quite a bit.</p><p> </p><p>"That Severus Snape is, in his words, a complete bastard."</p><p> </p><p>“McFly says a lot of things, and many are absurd.” He frowned and made a note of talking seriously to McFly in his mind. “Believe me, Snape is a great man.” He shrugged as he added:  “It's just something difficult to deal with.”</p><p> </p><p>"Can I go with you to get the order?" Trist asked, smiling again, "I'm not doing anything important."</p><p> </p><p>Harry couldn't say no. When they entered the elevator he grabbed hold of the Auror's arm.</p><p> </p><p>“Are you still afraid of the elevator?”</p><p> </p><p>"Sorry," he replied, still holding on to his arm, and he didn't when they started walking out of the elevator, either. “Will you bring your boyfriend for Christmas dinner?”</p><p> </p><p>"Why you ask?" The other noted that Harry had stiffened under his embrace. "There's still many days to that."</p><p> </p><p>"I'm curious. You have never brought him.”</p><p> </p><p>“He is very busy around those days."</p><p> </p><p>"I imagine it must be someone very cool. And lucky. He is a very lucky boy to have someone like you.”</p><p> </p><p>Harry said nothing, and Trist realized that he had made him uncomfortable. He bit her tongue regretfully. He always said something wrong that ruined what he was trying to say. He understood that it was not the best way to start flirting with the Auror, but for now the best thing would be to be silent and at least enjoy its closeness.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>………………………</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Potter entered Snape's office carrying what the professor had asked for. This time the professor had already spoken to the elves about what they should serve him.</p><p> </p><p>It was only natural that he should review what had been brought to him and give the go-ahead before Harry left. When Angus was in charge of going, even with the messenger from before the attack, he limited himself to superficially reviewing with a quick glance and saying that everything was correct and that he should be left alone. But not with Harry.</p><p> </p><p>He had an urgent need to check each bottle thoroughly as the Auror looked at him with an amused expression. It didn't go unnoticed for Snape that Harry only took a light sip of his drink once, and then set it aside. He thought he had hit the coffee that the other liked.</p><p> </p><p>Harry was about to tell him that when Angus was in charge of him, he would always return to the ministry early, and he would hear him say that it was fortunate that Snape didn't take long to review the shipment. But he didn't want the potionist to shy away from that comment, and he was really enjoying that moment.</p><p> </p><p>Since before the final battle he had discovered that Severus was not the Death Eater faithful to Voldemort that everyone thought. Nor was the horrible human being he pretended to appear. Harry discovered in him a brave man, intelligent, and whose company for some reason always made him feel good. Unfortunately, there were few times that he could see the man, and more so with the increasing threats from Death Eaters.</p><p> </p><p>At least he always saw him at Christmas parties at the Weasleys' house, where no one could stop attending. And before starting his relationship with Cedric, and when he was in his first year, he visited a Muggle coffee shop in the muggle word.</p><p> </p><p> It was a real surprise to have met Severus one day, and he really liked to find him sitting at the corner table the days he went. But suddenly he stopped going, after Cedric opened his eyes about his weight. He never asked Severus if he continued to visit the small coffee shop, and the teacher had not questioned him about why he stopped going either. He really missed those moments.</p><p> </p><p>He laughed when Snape made a derogatory comment about his fellow Aurors and thought that if Mark tried to scold him for being late, he would tell him that Snape had kept him checking everything. Which was not a lie.</p><p><br/>Although he couldn't tell him that even though Snape had finished reviewing everything, he continued talking to him without caring that he had been in the other's office for almost an hour. Snape was done with his classes anyway, and he didn't seem too eager to go out to the big dining room with the others.</p><p> </p><p>Harry had come a long way with his records, and he thought for the first time since he was assigned as Auror, that he might miss what was left of his schedule.</p><p> </p><p>“Have you really heard them?"</p><p> </p><p>“You once commented the name of the group. I was interested and looked for them.”</p><p> </p><p>“I don't remember saying that."</p><p> </p><p>Harry pursed his lips and frowned, trying to remember.</p><p> </p><p>"If I remember correctly, it was the last day we met at the coffee shop."</p><p> </p><p>"Ahh ..." He extended the syllable more than he would have liked. Finding Harry in the same cafeteria had not been accidental at all, and it took a lot of courage and patience to be able to "enjoy" that horror. He was surprised on the first Saturday afternoon, when the Auror didn´t go, but he kept going every day for several weeks in a row, in case he would have preferred to go another day of the week, but he never came back. And he thought maybe he had better things to do with Diggory. “And what do the Wonder Auror think?”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>"That you don't have such bad taste in music."</p><p> </p><p>Snape clicked his tongue and looked at him amused. An hour and a half, perhaps longer, Snape lasted teaching the Auror what good musical taste was. And without being able to avoid it, most of the songs he showed him were a blatant statement of their feelings. And more, that before Harry had to leave, he made him listen to one of his favorites, the one that most reminded him of the emerald-eyed Auror.</p><p> </p><p>And Harry felt strange when for a short moment, he wished Snape would dedicate the song to him…</p><p> </p><p>Your lips, my lips, apocalypse...</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>……………………………</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When he left Snape's office, he considered that it was best to go straight to his apartment, and wait until the next morning to hear Mark's claims. The apartment was in the dark when he arrived, so he assumed Cedric still hadn't come home from work. He wondered if Diggory wanted him to cook for him. Sometimes Harry made him breakfast, or dinner, but sometimes the badger preferred to go out to eat at a restaurant, no matter what Harry cooked for him. He changed to something more comfortable and decided to prepare something for his boyfriend. After so many days without seeing each other it was the most logical thing to receive him in a pleasant way.</p><p> </p><p>Cedric arrived when dinner was almost ready, and Harry smiled when he saw him walk through the door. He couldn't control the urge to go to him and kiss him for welcome.</p><p> </p><p>“Can you leave that for later? I'm a little tired.” He watched Potter bite his lower lip and walk to his knees on the cabinet. "There's a party at the office on Saturday. I will come by you at about nine.”</p><p> </p><p>Harry turned off the stove and prepared to serve dinner. Diggory looked tired and in a bad mood, maybe some food would make him feel better</p><p> </p><p>“This Saturday?” Harry asked “We were going to have dinner at Hermione's house, I told you about two weeks ago and...”</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>He listened as the other growled as he tapped the coffee table.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“We always dine with them.”</p><p> </p><p>“The last times you haven't been and….”</p><p> </p><p>Cedric cut him off with a snort. In truth he wanted to take his boyfriend to dinner at his friends' house, the badger had missed the last three invitations, including missing Sunday lunch at Molly and Arthur's house. Hermione had subtly asked if they had any kind of problems, but Harry had fervently stressed that no, his boyfriend just had too much work. He wanted to prevent his friend from asking him more unnecessary questions.</p><p> </p><p>"They are your friends, okay? Not mine. You can go alone, but these are people from my job, and I'm supposed to go with my partner.”</p><p> </p><p>“But…”</p><p> </p><p>He wanted to reply that he had never wanted to attend the Christmas parties in the ministry, but Cedric was already looking somewhat upset, so he only chose to bring him a tray and sit next to him with a plate in his hand.</p><p> </p><p>“Come on ... you would be helping me get a promotion”</p><p> </p><p>He was unable to reply to that argument. He nodded as he dipped the spoon into his mashed potatoes and brought a spoonful to his mouth. He feared that his partner would not like what he had prepared, but he saw him eat without dedicating more words to him. For his part, he could not eat more after the third tablespoon.</p><p> </p><p>“You eat a lot,” Cedric said, laughing.</p><p> </p><p>"I… had decided not to eat more anyway," he replied as he lowered his gaze.</p><p> </p><p>“Ok. That's good, you know you tend to get fat.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 5</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Friday 15</p><p> </p><p>Snape put aside the test he was correcting, or rather, trying to correct. Three times he had tried. He corrected it, reviewed it, and realized that he had made mistakes in qualifying, and did the same thing again. He was equally frustrated and angry. He couldn't stop thinking about Harry, his laugh, his beautiful eyes and the beautiful way he adjusted his glasses by pushing them across the bridge of his nose ... He snorted in frustration when he realized the direction his thoughts were taking, and with both hands he took his head, tucking strands of his hair between his fists. It was ten o'clock at night. Ten fifteen to be more exact. He thought maybe it was time to take a break, he could get up early in the morning and finish correcting, but for now his mind was locked on Harry. Even with his head in his hands he wondered what Harry was doing at that hour. Most likely, he was already at home, resting from an exhausting day working as Auror. He imagined the moment that Potter would come tired in his uniform, and Severus wanted to know what it would feel like to receive him with a kiss. He couldn't stop a smile from escaping his lips. Cedric knows what it is to receive him with a kiss. That thought, that damn thought damaged his momentary good mood in a second. Cedric knew very well what it was to receive the Auror with a kiss, dine together and sleep with him ... In every sense….</p><p> </p><p><br/>In a single movement, Severus threw the papers on the floor. The idea of Cedric being the lucky one to touch Harry, his Harry, soaked him so deep that he couldn't bear it.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“You shouldn't think that it's your Harry,” he thought “after all, it's Cedric's Harry”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He covered his eyes with his hands, trying to get that image out of his mind. Now, more than frustrated, he was angry, very angry. He was furious with himself, with the "damn lucky Cedric", with every damn person who was happy, and with his damn luck. He rubbed his face hard trying to clear his thoughts. He got up abruptly with an idea in his head. Maybe he should also get mad at Harry, wasn't he the main culprit for his condition? He did not bother to organize the disaster he had made, there was no time, and he would do it later. He left quickly feeling the urgent need to tell Harry that he was the culprit and that he was very angry with him; and he didn't realize it was a stupid way to see him again, that it was really all he wanted</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>. ……………………………………………..…</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Harry arrived at the house exhausted. The mission had been quite complicated. There were a few children involved, and he had to be more focused than ever so they wouldn't get hurt. Fortunately the threat had been contained and the minors placed in good hands. Upon entering his apartment, he realized that Cedric had not arrived, and sighed because perhaps he was not going to go that night. He was quite hungry, even his stomach was roaring to make him notice it even more. But he was tired, and didn't feel like eating.</p><p> </p><p>He walked slowly to his room, letting the glamour fade away. He didn't need it being alone. He thought that a shower and going to bed were all he needed.</p><p> </p><p>As he made his way to the bathroom he couldn't help but think of the song he had heard alongside Severus. It was strange, but remembering that moment made him feel a little better.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>“When you're all alone, I will reach for you…”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>He started humming it several times, it really was a beautiful song. When he got out of the shower he managed to put on baggy underpants. He thought about where he could have left his pajamas when a dizziness made him stop completely. It hadn't been strong, but it was increasing in intensity. He walked slowly over to the bed, and sat down hoping it would give way soon. He began to feel worse, even when sitting he felt that he was going to fall. He had to lie down on the bed, that way it was more bearable and luckily for him, the dizziness disappeared in a short time. He crawled up the bed to get under the covers, he was sweating, shivering with cold, and maybe if he slept, he would dawn like new and with no memory of the event.</p><p> </p><p>Fifteen minutes later he still couldn't fall asleep, but at least he hadn't gotten dizzy again, he just felt very tired. Lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling, he thought for a moment that he wished he had someone to give him at least a hug at that moment of dizziness, or to stroke his hair. But he quickly dismissed the idea.</p><p> </p><p>People have more important things than comforting losers.</p><p> </p><p>He heard a noise coming from outside his room, it seemed that it was the front door, but the alarms had not been activated, so it was most likely Cedric, he had a copy of the key.</p><p>
  
</p><p>He put the glamor on his face in a second before his boyfriend entered the room.</p><p> </p><p>Cedric entered the room a minute later, lighting the room in the process. He didn't even look at him before heading to the bathroom. As he listened to the falling water Harry thought that perhaps he had had a heavy day.</p><p> </p><p>Diggory came out of the bathroom and dropped to the bed with a sigh.</p><p> </p><p>“Is my white shirt here? I can't find it in my house.”</p><p> </p><p>Harry shrugged. He always wondered when Cedric would consider that apartment as his home.</p><p> </p><p>“I think I saw it in the closet.”</p><p> </p><p>He kept his head on the pillow, while looking at Cedric like someone waiting for something to happen. The other looked at him suddenly and with a single movement he had Diggory on top of him, with a wicked smile.</p><p> </p><p>“Cedric I…”</p><p> </p><p>"Oh please," he said, rolling his eyes, "don't tell me that you feel tired, it's your damn excuse always. You look like a miserable little woman.”</p><p> </p><p>Harry looked away at his partner's furious gaze.</p><p> </p><p>“I do not…”</p><p> </p><p>“That's what I want to hear”</p><p> </p><p>Without waiting for an answer Cedric seized her lips. Harry realized that he was quite demanding. Too much maybe. For a moment he found the smell of Diggory odd, not his usual perfume. It was soft, too soft to be his. Almost, by a small moment, it looked like a woman's perfume. He forced himself not to think when he felt the other begin to lower the sheet. He was really very exhausted, but he wanted his partner to be happy. It was just a matter of enduring a little more and perhaps enjoying ...</p><p> </p><p>“Shit!” He heard Cedric scream as he parted from him.</p><p> </p><p>“Shit! I can´t see that nasty shit” Cedric said as he separated from him abruptly. “Put on a shirt or something, damn it, what did I tell you about walking like this?</p><p> </p><p>"Sorry," Harry replied as he covered his chest with the sheets.</p><p> </p><p>He had seen the scar on his chest.</p><p> </p><p>With his index finger and thumb, Cedric pressed the bridge of his nose.</p><p> </p><p>"I'll go get something to eat."</p><p> </p><p>"Do you want me to cook for you?" Harry said, still not daring to move and making sure his chest couldn't be seen.</p><p> </p><p>“I want to go out. Alone.” He emphasized, and got out of bed to rearrange his barely unbuttoned clothes.</p><p> </p><p>Harry said nothing as he watched him leave the room, nor did he notice when the tears started to fall. People always argued that crying was good and "liberated" the soul. However, he felt worse every time he did.</p><p> </p><p><br/>He felt stupid, how had he forgotten the top of his pajamas? The silence of the room was only interrupted by his irregular hiccups. He had cried for about twenty-five minutes when he heard a knock on the front door.</p><p> </p><p>Is it Cedric?</p><p> </p><p>Sometimes he forgot the keys, and the doors were spelled so only Harry could open them with magic. He came out of the covers quickly, had to find something to cover himself before he could open Diggory. He grabbed a gray shirt, one of the ones in his Auror uniform, and ran to the door, making sure to hide the evidence of his crying since his boyfriend didn't like to see him cry.</p><p> </p><p>“Did you forget the keys?” He made an immediate silence when he realized it was Snape in the other side of the door.</p><p> </p><p>“Potter.” Snape widened his eyes in surprise. Harry had opened the door for him in just a poorly buttoned shirt and… underwear. Could he look sexier?</p><p> </p><p>“Professor Snape?” He said doubtfully, the other was looking at him strangely “Is something wrong?”</p><p> </p><p>Snape seemed to doubt what he was going to say, after all he had not valid excuse to be there in the middle of the night. What was he going to say to Harry? That he couldn't concentrate or fall asleep because he was thinking about his green eyes? Or that the idea that he was doing "things" with Diggory was driving him crazy?</p><p> </p><p>He was totally lost.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 6</p><p> </p><p> Friday, 15</p><p> </p><p>Severus had only been in Harry's apartment the day he bought it, to help him put up the protective barriers at the request of the Griffindor. But he had never visited him again.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
The potions master apologized for his visit at those late hours, saying that he must tell him something important, and what he had realized a few minutes earlier when he was in his office. Snape only say that he had forgotten an essential ingredient that he no longer had, and that it had been overlooked because it was something experimental, to improve the werewolf potion.</p><p> </p><p>Of course it was a big lie, but Harry didn't mention the fact that he didn't fully believe the story that Severus forgot something important, he just smiled at him and invited him to hang out.</p><p> </p><p>"I don't want to disturb your night," he said as he walk into the department without waiting for the other to say anything else.</p><p> </p><p>"I wasn't doing anything." Snape watched as Harry shrugged and deduced that he was alone. "Can I offer you something? I could make you something to eat if you're hungry.”</p><p> </p><p>“I'm ok with just something to drink." He had skipped dinner that night, and he was really hungry, but he preferred to enjoy as much as he could with Harry, and for that the best thing was that he didn't go to the kitchen to prepare anything.</p><p> </p><p>“Tea or something stronger?”</p><p> </p><p>“Do you have Whiskey?”</p><p> </p><p>Harry nodded and went to the small bar next to the sofa to get their drink and glasses. He didn't seem uncomfortable just having a shirt and boxer shorts, and Severus definitely didn't mind that.</p><p> </p><p>"You could have called the ministry in the morning, you didn't have to come so late for that."</p><p> </p><p>"I told you is important."</p><p> </p><p>Harry nodded, taking a drink, and Severus allowed himself to check the apartment with a quick glance. He liked the place, it was truly cozy. The warm tones of the wallpaper on the walls, and on the furniture, made him feel really calm.</p><p> </p><p>“Nice department, Harry.”</p><p> </p><p>He thanked him as a small blush settled on her cheeks: “Hermione helped me decorate it.”</p><p> </p><p>“How's Granger?”</p><p> </p><p>Hermione and Ron had decided to get married after she became pregnant with Hugo and Rose, but her friend preferred to continue using her last name. It still made him laugh to remember that on the altar, Hermione had vomited on Ron when she felt the perfume of one of the guests. Hermione had been nauseated by any food or scent all that week, and no one had anticipated that incident. Ron had been more concerned with the fact that his girlfriend was feeling sick than stinking vomit, and a few magic tricks later the wedding took its course. But the twins mentioned the incident at every Christmas gathering, and showed all the photos they had taken.</p><p> </p><p><br/>
"Pretty round." He said as he took from his glass. He didn't notice that Severus looked at him strangely when he finished his drink fairly quickly, or when he poured himself another glass “she is close to her eighth month.”</p><p> </p><p>“Is she will compete against Molly for the one who have more children?”</p><p> </p><p>Harry couldn't help laugh at that sentences, or at the mental image that came with it.</p><p> </p><p>"I know this will be the last. Although to tell the truth I thought they would have enough with the twins."</p><p> </p><p>“For the sake of Hogwarts, let's hope so."</p><p> </p><p>As the night wore on, Snape couldn't help but think that visiting Harry had been one of the best ideas he had ever had. At one point between drinks Harry showed Severus a small radio and a group of compact discs that he had bought time after moving and that he hardly ever used and, he admitted with some embarrassment, had returned to use after his "lessons of music".</p><p> </p><p>He had even get a CD of the group Severus had shown him.</p><p> </p><p>"The guy of the store that sold it to me said they are not very known."</p><p> </p><p><br/>
Snape shrugged when Harry placed the CD and music began to flood the room.</p><p> </p><p>“Geniuses are misunderstood Potter, you should know better than anyone.”</p><p> </p><p>“You get a point….”</p><p> </p><p>Harry dropped onto the sofa, quite close to Severus, without any care, and began to laugh out loud.</p><p> </p><p>It was logical that the excessive amount of alcohol was taking effect. Snape had noticed how quickly Harry drank, and how often he filled his glass. But he realized he was just uninhibited, and that's why he was laughing.</p><p> </p><p>“Can I tell you something without ...?”</p><p> </p><p>Severus saw Harry hesitate, the boy fell silent staring straight ahead, he seemed to want to avoid all eye contact, in addition to searching for the right words.</p><p> </p><p>“Without what Harry?”</p><p> </p><p>"It is absurd, but I would like to tell you something. I just don't want you to make fun of me, I just really want to tell you.”</p><p> </p><p>Harry tilted the glass over his lips again, he looked really nervous. All of Severus' desire to mock him vanished. He looked incredibly fragile. He didn't understand the drastic change that had happened, he even thought he looked paler. A terrible urge swept over Severus to hug Harry and make him safe in his arms. When a new song started playing, Harry decided to look at him, to find an answer to his silence. Snape did not speak, but with a nod Harry understood that he could speak. He took a deep breath to fill himself with courage and took another drink.</p><p>
  
</p><p>“I really like being with you. You have become someone very special in my life Severus. I'm even sorry I haven't seen you for five months? I always wondered how you were.”</p><p> </p><p>During the small time that Harry's indecision to speak lasted, Severus imagined many things the boy could say to him. But not that. What the boy had said could be interpreted in many ways, and well Severus wanted to interpret it as he pleased. He felt Harry's gaze on him. Apparently he hadn't stopped seeing him so he could see his reaction. The boy looked undeniably handsome, dressed in a very tantalizing manner, and had just said something that made his pulse race. For a moment he was afraid it was just a dream, and in that case he would have to wake up. And Merlin knew he didn't want that moment to end.</p><p> </p><p>“You have also become someone very important to me too." Severus said.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you like being with me?”</p><p> </p><p>There was no doubt that the alcohol had worked for him. He knew Harry well enough to know that in his five senses he would never say that. But he would be selfish for a while longer and he would not miss that moment.</p><p> </p><p>"Don't even doubt that."</p><p> </p><p>The smile Harry gave him was priceless.</p><p> </p><p>…………………………………………………</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>That Saturday Harry didn't have to go to the ministry. He just had to be on the lookout for an emergency call, and he was really praying for no emergency.</p><p> </p><p>Cedric did not return that night and had to admit, much to his regret, that he was glad he did not. That way Severus was able to stay overnight with him. He opened his eyes slowly, feeling the consequences of the alcohol hammering his head. He realized that he had fallen asleep with his glasses on and his head resting on the armrest of the sofa. Snape was on the other side.</p><p> </p><p>He watched Snape carefully. For a long time he liked to see his face, he seemed really handsome, quite masculine. He had really missed spending time with Snape.</p><p> </p><p>He watched as the potionist stirred slightly and opened his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>"We fell asleep on the couch," Harry laughed as he ran his hand through his hair.</p><p> </p><p>"So it seems Har ...</p><p> </p><p>Snape seemed to freeze when he laid eyes on him. Harry frowned, Severus seemed to have seen a ghost. The potionist's eyes scanned him entirely quickly and desperately and landed on his legs on the sofa, Harry did not understand what was happening, until he looked down at where Snape's was pointed, and the understanding and terror flooded him. He wasn't wearing the Glamure.</p><p> </p><p>While sleeping it was obvious that the spell fell, and he had forgotten to put it back. He was just wearing Auror's shirt and underwear. Snape could clearly see the true sick tone of his skin, the scars he had, how thin he really was.</p><p> </p><p>Sudden fear cornered him. The only one who had seen him without the spell was Cedric, and when that happened the badger always ended up fighting him. Which was obvious to happen. His body was too horrible to show. And now Snape was looking at him, most likely he was thinking how unpleasant it was to see him.</p><p> </p><p>He felt Snape move, rather leaned toward him, and thought maybe he would hit him for making him see. He felt him touch his leg, the potionist's hands trembled. Snape closed his eyes tight, Harry didn't know where he had gotten his wand, but he didn't have time to ask him before the potionist pointed at him and whispered a spell he had never heard. Harry´s shirt was gone.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 7</p><p> </p><p>Saturday, 16</p><p> </p><p>When the shirt disappeared, Snape stared in horror at the other's body. His ribs were marked, his arms were slender and full of bumps and cuts, and it was quite noticeable that many of them were not as old as those left by the war. And just as he was up close, he could appreciate more his sunken eyes and the fine hair that always came with what he already imagined.</p><p> </p><p>Severus's hand trembled, but he really didn't notice it. He could only think of what he was seeing, and this time he wished it was a dream, or rather a nightmare, and to be able to wake up with Harry on the sofa sleeping peacefully without being like this ...</p><p> </p><p>"Harry ...”</p><p> </p><p>“Get out of my house, Severus, please," that please cut off by a sob made Severus realize he was not dreaming.</p><p> </p><p>…………………………….</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The stupid Sirius house-elf took forever to open the door he was desperately pounding on. And it felt more stupid to take forever to tell him that his master was not in the house.</p><p> </p><p>“Ula can't tell you where Mister Black is.”</p><p> </p><p>As soon as he set foot outside Harry's apartment, he decided he would go ask Sirius for an explanation, or rather, he would kill Sirius Black with spells. How was it possible that Potter was ill and hiding under a Glamour? Why was he letting him do that? He needed help, not a spell to hide it.</p><p> </p><p>But there was a problem, it was obvious that the elf would not tell Sirius' location to a stranger who appeared in his house; and it was true that Severus had never visited Harry's godfather. But still, the rage he felt against Black was blinding him, and he just wanted the elf to tell him where his master was to go and strangle him.</p><p> </p><p>How long was Harry wearing a spell to hide? He knew something strange was visible, but he had blamed it on the difficult work that aurors have. In part he blamed himself. Being such a skilled magician in the art of deception, he had been fooled. He wasn't analyzing enough that Harry was even more skilled, and that the spell he was using was cast perfectly and flawlessly. Even so, he was too furious, and even more so with Sirius Black, the one who called himself his godfather, and who had to protect Harry at all costs and always be aware of him.</p><p> </p><p>He yelled at the elf again about her master's whereabouts. The poor creature was just dropping her ears and covering her eyes as she said to the dark man standing in front of her that she couldn't give him that information.</p><p> </p><p>“Damn, it's about Harry!!”</p><p> </p><p>Ula reacted quickly, and calmed down for a moment to think. It was wrong to tell his master's whereabouts to a stranger, but if it was about Harry Potter, whom his master Sirius and Remus loved as a son, and whom she loved dearly, perhaps she should reconsider. She knew the whole story of Mister Harry Potter, of his work as Auror and how he still faced Death Eaters, perhaps he was in danger. She only managed to pronounce "burrow" before Snape disappeared towards the Weasley house. Ula hoped she had made the right decision and that Harry Potter was fine.</p><p> </p><p>………………………………………………</p><p> </p><p>Hermione adjusted the blanket before slowly closing the door. Their twins had slept in the den with Teddy, and it seemed that they had gone to bed quite late judging by the fact that none of the three seemed willing to wake up. She made sure that the peace spell she had placed in the room remained standing. Fred and George were going to come back with the ingredients of some experiment and she didn´t want the children to wake up with an explosion.</p><p> </p><p>She went down to the kitchen with all the grace that a pregnant woman with a huge belly could do, and found Molly and Remus preparing something that apparently had too much chocolate, although she did not know very well what it was.</p><p> </p><p>“Are they still sleeping?” Molly asked, placing a small plate of melted chocolate and a spoon in front of Hermione. Molly knew the girl's pregnancies were summed up in many cravings for sweets and nausea at strong smells in the final months.</p><p> </p><p>“It doesn't seem like they're going to wake up for now.” she said as she plunged the spoon into the thick sweet. "I'm sorry you had to take care of them so that I could advance the project further and Ron couldn't take care of them from exhaustion.”</p><p> </p><p>Molly shook a spoonful of chocolate while shaking her head.</p><p> </p><p>“You know I love taking care of them.”</p><p> </p><p>“Where's Sirius?” Remus asked. Hermione had told him when they arrived to be careful not to step on anything strange, as the twins were planning something. And the fact that Sirius wasn't around meant he could be helping the twins.</p><p> </p><p>Hermione reached out to look out the kitchen window.</p><p> </p><p>"He's outside with Ron, they want to build a wooden house for the kids to play."</p><p> </p><p> ……………………………………… ..</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When Severus felt his feet touch the ground again, he began to walk with all the accumulated fury towards the burrow. He was truly furious and wanted answers. Truth be told, he had no right to demand anything of Harry's godfather. While he was Potter's friend (or so he thought), perhaps he didn't have that much power to yell at Sirius. But he didn't care.</p><p> </p><p>In the distance he saw two figures that seemed to be arguing about something, and they had wood around them. Although he couldn't distinguish either of them well, he knew without doubt that one of them was Sirius. He quickened his pace and prepared to pull out his wand.</p><p> </p><p>“Fuck you bloody dog!”</p><p> </p><p> The scream, as if it had been amplified, caught everyone's attention. When those who were in the kitchen went out to the back, everyone saw who it was that was almost running and turned into a fury. No one could understand what was going through Severus Snape's mind.</p><p> </p><p> …………………………</p><p> </p><p> Harry realized that in order for Severus to leave his apartment, he had to get the man out with a spell. He didn't quite remember what had happened, even if only a few minutes had passed, his mind was in real chaos. He only remembered that when he asked the teacher to leave, he took his arm asking for an explanation of his condition.</p><p> </p><p>What explanation did he need?</p><p> </p><p>The war had left scars all over his body. Voldemort had taken it upon himself to leave hundreds of reminders all over his body. Chest, neck, arms ... but that one, the one he hated the most, the one Snape saw when the shirt he was wearing disappeared ...</p><p> </p><p>Snape's reaction was normal, the man had been disgusted to see him. Cedric had always told him that seeing him without the shirt was more than repulsive, and that he had never been without glamor.</p><p> </p><p>Harry did not understand that Snape had not been sickened when he saw him, he had worried, terrified, enraged.</p><p> </p><p>It took him a while to realize he was hyperventilating. He had to hold on to the nearest wall to keep from balancing.</p><p> </p><p>And now what?</p><p> </p><p>For so long he had kept his lie, his shield, and the one who had heard of all the people, had been just Snape. That hurt him. It really pained him that Severus saw the royal profanity that he was. Also before he managed to get it out, he had asked if his godfather knew anything.</p><p> </p><p>That look he saw in Snape's eyes, the man wanted answers, and he was pretty sure he would go with Sirius to get them. But Sirius didn´t knew anything, no one should know anything.</p><p> </p><p>He didn't know what he would do. At the moment only one idea came to his mind. He did not want anyone to see him, he felt weak, fragile, hurt. He concentrated as much as he could on blocking his apartment. He did not want anything or anyone to enter. Not even an owl. He placed a force field and reinforced it until he felt his strength run out.</p><p> </p><p>It struck him as funny how powerful his magic was and how vulnerable he felt right now. He sat for a moment on the couch, trying to regain his strength. Truly he was exhausted. He looked up and saw the bottle of Wiskey from the night before that had been left on the table.</p><p> </p><p>“I need a drink.”</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 8</p><p>Saturday, 16</p><p> </p><p>"I've never been enough," Harry said as he turned the bottle over in his hands.</p><p> </p><p>He took in a single sip the left in the bottle. It was the second bottle. It wasn't enough, he still felt bad, his chest still hurt. He kept crying, it had been so long since he cried without trying to contain himself... his mind brought a long film with all the parts of himself and of his life that he hated. He didn't even know when he had started crying. Something in his head was trying to remind him the horrible scars of his body. He felt Cedric's voice inside his brain, recriminating him for every scar he carried on his body.</p><p> </p><p><em>"Especially that deformity</em>" the voice of his boyfriend screaming at him was so alive that he thought he was at his side and felt fear. He clutched at his chest, right where the scar was, wishing for what Diggory so detested would disappear. He closed his eyes and remember the time he met the badger again at that ministry party. He had not wanted to go, but his friend had told him that it was best to be distracted from work from time to time.</p><p> </p><p>To be honest with himself, he had decided to go because Hermione mentioned that Severus Snape was also invited. He hadn't mentioned to his friends that he occasionally met his teacher in a muggle coffee shop, it was something he preferred to keep private. But if he was going to be there, the night might promise something good. Friendship with the older man had become important to him; so he decided that the party didn't sound bad at all.</p><p> </p><p>But Snape never came. It was logical that the potionist refused to go to one of those meetings, and would not admit how disappointed he was with that.</p><p> </p><p>But the one who had gone to that party was Cedric Diggory, the handsome Hufflepuff who had approached him almost immediately. At that time he only had the scars that he covered with his clothes, and he was a bit controlling with his food. He had not started using the Glamour, it was enough for him to hide the marks with his hair and clothing. That is why his attitude was more attractive, he did not feel so withdrawn, he was more confident. He was smiling more naturally. It wasn't so strange that someone like Cedric approached him.</p><p> </p><p>The other had been quite flirtatious at the party. He had spent talking to him the whole night and treating him to a drink in some bar to get out of there. He found Cedric so charming that he did not hesitate to spend that night with him. Sure, without taking off his shirt. Maybe they had gone very fast, but the smiles Diggory gave him made him feel more confident in his appearance, he liked to feel attractive towards someone. Or so he understood, that he brought Cedric.</p><p> </p><p>When he returned to the present, he realized that he never put his shirt back on after Severus left, although it didn't matter, he was alone, he deserved to be alone. He ran his fingers over the scars that kept him most alive. There was one slightly hidden behind his ear, which was made easier for him to hide with a lock of hair. It had a horrible texture under his fingers, and it was lost in his hair. He followed up with a small, x-shaped one just on his right shoulder, it was a personal mark of a Death Eater, though he never remembered which one. He went down to his abdomen and traced with his fingers those that had been done with a whip spell, as well as those on his back. The doctor who treated Harry told him that they were made with dark magic, they could improve, but not heal. They would never be normal skin again. Neither those of his legs, nor those of his arms, which were smaller, less grotesque. But it was there.</p><p> </p><p>But the one that bothered him more was the one that ran down his clavicle to the sternum. That was not made to hurt him, it had been made to mark him. Voldemort was going to extend it had it not been for an explosion in the distance distracting him and Harry had been able to escape from his grasp and fight him while the war continued around him. He rubbed his face, unable to continue touching his own body. He looked up and saw the mess in the room. Broken glass on the floor tinted with blood. His blood. He had thrown the first bottle on the floor when it was over, and not mincing stepping on the glass, he went straight to take another from the minibar. He drank alcohol quickly, wanting it to take effect, he didn't feel dizzy enough to forget, and he still didn't lose consciousness. He no longer felt any pain from the cuts on his feet, nor did he notice that blood was still leaking from the expensive carpet.</p><p> </p><p>He knew that someone had been knocking on his door, his magic had been vibrating indicating that someone wanted to enter. But the shield he had placed suppressed any sound, even voices. He imagined that for the time that had elapsed, twelve hours, perhaps more, perhaps less, they would all have come looking for him and trying to break down his door. They could not. The only good thing Voldemort had left him was his magical ability. Perhaps Dumbledore could, but he was dead, like many others who had died to save him. When they never should have. Maybe they had sent an owl. Or tried to enter the balcony on a broom, but with the shield it would be impossible to enter or see into the apartment.</p><p> </p><p>The thought of the balcony paralyzed him for a moment. He remembered how happy he was every time he looked out and felt the wind, he felt peace.</p><p> </p><p>At that moment he wanted to feel peace, only for a second. Even in tears he stood up holding on to what was within his reach. He walked as fast as he could, colliding with the furniture in his path, and sighed as the icy wind began to whip his face, trying to sweep away tears as he passed. He didn't know what time it was, but the night sky comforted him enough. Even a shy smile appeared on his lips. That place always gave him the peace and tranquility he needed. He reached the railing without hesitation. The landscape was as special as it had always been for him, so welcoming. He knew that he could look out without fear, the spell he had placed would prevent someone from seeing his balcony, and therefore they would not be able to see him. He adored that place, perhaps it was the only place where he felt free from stormy thoughts, free from problems, free ... A fleeting thought came to his mind that soon became impossible to ignore, perhaps, if that was what made him happy, he deserved have it forever. He did not hesitate for long.</p><p> </p><p>With enough agility despite his condition, he managed to cross to the other side, remaining at the expense of the abyss, he leaned on the small wall that was under his feet, and with one hand he held tightly to the rail that was now at his backs.</p><p> </p><p>He had never been so happy in his life.</p><p> </p><p>“So free...”</p><p> </p><p>At that moment, when he was about to let go and fall from the sixteenth floor, he thought of all those people he loved. He thought about Hermione and Ron, maybe they might miss him a little, but being with a partner and expecting another child would surely not matter to him beyond a couple of days. Molly and Arthur had more children, "real children" to cry too much for him. And Minerva, Remus?</p><p> </p><p>“They have too much to worry about to miss me” he thought “Maybe, he thought, maybe my godfather will miss me. But Remus could make Sirius feel better. "</p><p> </p><p>And Cedric? He was certain that Cedric would be better without him. Even so, he could be with someone who was up to him, not embarrassed.</p><p> </p><p>He looked at the sky one last time before releasing his hold. As he fell, he smile a little, and the last thought he had was that of all of them, he regretted not being able to say goodbye to Severus.</p><p> </p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 9</p><p> </p><p>Sirius Black would have expected Severus to throw thousands of curses at him, he wanted to curse the man to tell the truth, and more because he never completely swallowed that Snape was completely good, he really wanted to attack him. So when he spotted the man coming straight at him through the Weasly garden, yelling at him, he instantly enlisted with his wand. He even became anxious, expecting to finally be able to attack the greasy bastard, but what was never expected was for the Slytherin to strike him with their own fists, when he clearly could have used his magic. And that was why Sirius now had a bleeding nose, and Severus a swollen fist.</p><p> </p><p>He would have killed him, Merlin knows that Black had every intention of taking his wand and killing Snape, and no one could blame him for doing that after the other had hit him in front of witnesses, but gave him no time to do anything on the premise of what "the greasy Snape" had yelled at him:</p><p><br/>“You were supposed to protect Harry!”</p><p> </p><p> Harry? What had happened to Harry? He was not reacting well. The pain in his nose was excruciating. He only came to understand that Remus was at his side trying to see the wound and pointed his wand at him, but he did not know what spell he was reciting, or at least he did not understand him. All of Sirius's attention was focused on Snape, who had Ron and Mrs. Weasly accusing him. Snape just pointed it out and repeated over and over that Sirius was a mangy dog that must have protected Harry. And that was driving him crazy.</p><p> </p><p>“Silence!” Hermione had yelled getting everyone's attention, it was clear that the girl had used an amplifying spell</p><p> </p><p>“How is it possible that you call yourself Harry's godfather if you don't protect him?" Snape exclaimed immediately, taking advantage of everyone's listening.</p><p> </p><p>“What´s happening with Harry?"</p><p> </p><p>“Don't be a jerk Black" Snape seemed to want to kill him with curses, the fury could be seen in his eyes "it is impossible that you do not know when you are proclaiming that you take care of Potter in each damn meeting."</p><p> </p><p>Sirius was more than getting upset, he was not going to allow anyone, less the "greasy Snape" judged his status as godfather of Harry.</p><p> </p><p>He had tried to make up all the lost time with his godson, and he understood that he was doing great. Even the only thing that kept him from living with Harry was the same boy, because before the relationship with Cedric began, Sirius had proposed to him to go live with him and Remus, but the minor had said no, and it was understandable that you want your space.</p><p> </p><p>"How is it possible that you and the damn badger let Harry do ...?"</p><p> </p><p>"Wait a minute, Snivellus." Cedric? He didn't understand why the Slytherin mentioned Cedric in that. The badger, judging by Sirius, was a good boy. He was good-looking to measure up to his godson, was successful in his work, and charming. While Remus always told him that he seemed somewhat detached from Harry, Sirius always played it down. Harry told them that his boyfriend was moving up in his job and that was a burden on him, it was understandable “Don't tell me this is all about you being jealous of Harry and his boyfriend.”</p><p> </p><p>The smile that settled on Sirius's face didn't waver even when Snape tensed, but rather increased. Maybe he had hit the nail on the head. He always knew Snape was a bad person, and he was checking it out now. The former Death Eater seemed pained that Harry, whom Severus always demonstrated that he hated, was being happy.</p><p> </p><p>“What the fuck are you saying, Black?” In part the other was right, he was very jealous that Cedric was with Harry, and he felt minimally vulnerable when he faced him in front of so many people, but that was not the important thing at the time: Snape only wanted answers “You and Diggory are slags that still profit from Harry, if he is sick, why do you force him to hide?”</p><p> </p><p>The silence that was heard was only broken by an incredulous Hermione, who stepped forward and released a small "What ...?"</p><p> </p><p>That reminded Severus that not only Cedric and Sirius were to blame, if Harry had such "loyal" friends, how had they been allowed to come to such circumstances?</p><p> </p><p>"And you," he said pointing to Ron and Hermione, instinctively Molly stood in front of Hermione, perhaps she was afraid that he  would hurt the pregnant girl just as he did with Sirius, but Severus couldn't care less what she believed "you are his friends. How do you let Harry use a spell to hide? He must not hide, he must treat himself."</p><p> </p><p>The silence that reigned was so deep that the idea nobody knew anything came to Severus.</p><p> </p><p>“What are you saying, Snivellus?</p><p> </p><p>Severus ignored the nickname in order to keep his composure and focus on the main topic. At that moment Molly decided that she would go see the children when Hermione stated that the spell she had placed warned her that they were waking up. If this was so serious, the children should not go down.</p><p> </p><p><br/>"Harry is sick and you let him hide behind a spell. Why? Avoid public shame? Did you consider him a monster like the rest of the damn magical world once did?”</p><p> </p><p>Sirius's nose still ached and kept him from concentrating well, but he knew he wasn't the only one who wasn't fully understanding what Snape was saying.</p><p> </p><p>“What do you mean Harry is sick? What did you do to him?” ask Sirius.</p><p> </p><p>Remus stepped forward before Sirius continued.</p><p> </p><p>“Can you show us what you mean?” He asked softly in his voice. Nor did he understand what Severus was referring to, and he supposed that it was easier to see directly what the potionist was trying to tell them.</p><p> </p><p>Severus meditated for a moment, perhaps it was the best option, but he didn't like it at all. They wanted proof of what he was saying, it was obvious, but he couldn't let their see his memories. It was too personal to him, and he also felt that he was violating Potter's privacy. Harry had had the confidence to open the doors of his apartment in the middle of the night, to sit next to him even if he was precariously dressed, to share a moment that at least, Severus himself considered special. He couldn't just open his memories for all of them to see, he just couldn't. But it was necessary.</p><p> </p><p>"Only Granger," he said at last. He believed that the girl was the most sensible of the whole group. Perhaps he could have trusted Lupine, although he was more contemporary, the problem is that he had the annoying Black. He doubted Black didn't want to know what the memory was about, and at some point he was sure Remus would give in and let him see the other. But Granger no, he knew that she would not fall under Sirius, and she could control Ron easily. “Only she will see it, you will know whether or not to trust her from then on.”</p><p> </p><p>Of course Black complained, it was obvious that he didn't understand why he couldn't see something concerning Harry. As for Remus and Hermione, they seemed to grasp that it was something quite private, and Ron, while also wanting to know what was going on with his friend, was not sure he wanted to see any memories that came from Snape.</p><p> </p><p>Hermione led Severus into the kitchen, there was a spell that Severus knew well enough to reflect memories without the help of a pensieve, it wouldn't look as sharp as a memory, and the procession was more like a succession of motionless photographs where they would only see in  first person, directly from Severus' eyes, but it would be more than enough. He placed a quick privacy spell to prevent Black's meddling, and aiming for his head, he cast the memory spell.</p><p> </p><p>The first image that appeared was of Harry opening the door, Granger don´t said anything about the time Severus was at the other's door, or that his friend had opened in his underwear, and Severus thanked him internally. Then the girl saw Harry several times taking from his glass, then she saw him asleep and then, she saw when Severus woke up and Harry was without the spell. Suddenly the image of Harry shirtless was displayed and Hermione sobbed as the image froze so she could get a good look at it. As the images passed, Severus almost regretted asking the girl for that for a great reason: she was pregnant and it seemed like it was affecting her quite a bit.</p><p><br/>"I'll stop," he said when he saw her cover her mouth stifling a scream at the final sequence of photos of Harry taking Snape out of the apartment.</p><p> </p><p>Hermione nodded as a tear started to run down her cheek. What was happening to her friend? It wasn't just the physical, the reaction he had had at the end denoted that he was emotionally affected by being discovered, what was that all about? It took her a moment to compose herself, it was not time for her uncontrolled hormones, she had to help Harry and she needed to have the strength to explain to others what was happening. Although not even she knew what was happening.</p><p> </p><p>“Do you know what is happening?” she asked Severus wiping away the tears that she could not retain.</p><p> </p><p>The other denied by pursing his lips, he felt exposed in front of the girl, it was obvious that she was tying up dots in her mind.</p><p> </p><p>"I just get mad because he was hiding his deterioration behind a spell, I didn't wonder what was deteriorating him. I thought you would tell me.”</p><p> </p><p> "I didn't know he had those marks" she gestured with her hands pointing at her body "but his thinness" her voice almost broke, she had to breathe to calm herself down "He seems ... anorexic. It is impossible that we did not realize it.”</p><p><br/>"He's very smart," Severus got up, was feeling shut up and incapable, "his spell, now that I think about it, was too good. He didn't want us to believe that he was entirely fine. He always looked tired, enough to worry slightly, but we were not suspicious.”</p><p> </p><p>Hermione nodded, although she understood what Severus was explaining to her, in her mind she searched for the details that she should have noticed in her friend. She had to stop doing that when she felt her baby kick her, reminding her that stress hurt him too.</p><p> </p><p>"We have to tell the others, and go talk to Harry. We must know what is happening. Although from the way he reacted when you saw him, I guess he doesn't want to receive us.”</p><p> </p><p>Severus nodded, realizing that not only Hermione would realize what was going on, if he continued, everyone would realize that he had certain feelings towards Potter, but he didn't care. He was more than concerned with the Gryffindor, and nothing would deter him from walking away at the moment; not even expose himself in front of the others, nor a mangy dog that wanted to kill him waiting for him in the room.</p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 10</p><p> </p><p>It was just as difficult for everyone to hear what Hermione was trying to explain to them. Sitting from a corner, Severus had to admit that the girl's strength was admirable. She told them what he had seen through the potionist's memories, omitting the private parts. Mainly she remarked the fact that it was absolutely indisputable that Harry was ill. Perhaps the hardest part to hear, or understand, was that the boy had been using a spell under his nose the entire time, and none of them had noticed.</p><p> </p><p>“But how can he be anorexic if we always see him eat?”</p><p> </p><p>Hermione didn't know if using that word was the right thing, she had a cousin who suffered from anorexia, and Harry's body reminded him of the times she had seen her cousin at the rehab center. But was it really that disease? They weren't sure.</p><p> </p><p>“Have you noticed if it disappears after eating?” she asked, it was something she had never really noticed “Maybe to go to the bathroom?”</p><p> </p><p>"Yes," said Sirius, his anxiety reflected on his face, everyone was expectant at his words, "I've seen him do it several times, when we met here, when he ate at our house a few days ago ... but, but ... I thought it was something normal.”</p><p> </p><p>The memory of Harry came to his mind. The things he had seen as normal behavior now seemed strange and suspicious to him, he no longer knew how to interpret his own memories.</p><p> </p><p>"We can't jump to conclusions yet," Hermione exclaimed and looked at Severus intently, "what we know now is that he's hiding with a Glamour because he doesn't want us to see him like that. And now that he surely knows we've found out, he won't want to talk to us about what's happening.”</p><p> </p><p>The room was filled with conjecture, Molly looked strangely silent in a corner, visibly holding back tears, it was the vivid image of a mother trying to cope with feelings of denial when informed that her son is ill.</p><p> </p><p>Ron's voice made its way among the others:</p><p> </p><p>“Do you think it's a spell?” He questioned, “Perhaps his physical appearance deteriorates as a consequence of some spell of dark lord. There was a moment when we lost sight of him” he looked at his girlfriend and he continued “almost before the end, we knew he was against Voldemort, but some Death Eaters would not let us get to him.”</p><p> </p><p>"But after the battle they checked it out, didn't they?" Severus couldn't contain himself anymore, if it was a spell, a curse of the Dark Lord, Harry was suffering too much.</p><p><br/>Hermione pursed her lips, she seemed indecisive in herself to continue, it was obvious that what she was thinking was filling her with guilt. But it was Ron who stepped forward.</p><p> </p><p>"We thought so," he said, "the three of us arrived at San Mungo, but I was bleeding. When the doctors saw us Harry said to take care of me first, and Hermione to accompany me. When we were treated, we found him with a bandage on a wound behind his ear and on his arm. We assumed it was fine then.”</p><p> </p><p> Severus nodded, whatever Harry had, Voldemort had left him in battle.</p><p> </p><p>“Why didn't you tell us?” Sirius whispered, but it was audible to everyone. Neither could answer, the explanation must have come from Harry. They decided that they would go look for him at his apartment. Maybe it would have been better if it was just one of them, maybe two, but none wanted to stay in the burrow, just Molly, to be able to take care of the children.</p><p> </p><p>……………………………………………..</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When they got to Harry's apartment, they knocked on the door without getting an answer, something they were already expecting, but decided to keep trying. After two hours where there was no response, they were more than worried, at first they weighed the idea that he was sleeping and so he did not listen to them, something that could be true, or simply in the bathroom, or even ignoring his screams, and They tried to respect his freedom to have him open the door for him when he felt ready, but the fourth hour of waiting surprised them, and it was more than logical that nothing was right. They tried to open the door with spells, they started with the easiest, and when they reached the most difficult, terror began to settle next to them; the shield that the boy had placed would not allow them to pass in any way. Sirius proposed to enter through the balcony, and Remus send an owl and explained to Harry through a note why they were there, and that they were not going to judge him in any way, but nothing. That was different already, it wasn't just someone who didn't want to talk to anyone, he had shut himself up in his apartment, that wasn't good in any way. The owl just couldn't find the place to enter, they could see it circling near the roof of the building. The spells Harry had placed were unshakable, anything could be happening to him in his apartment, and they couldn't know or enter.</p><p><br/>Nine hours had passed when concern could not be hidden in the face of any. Hermione had to go to the burrow when they had almost ten hours trying to enter, she was starting to feel bad, she had sat down from time to time on the steps next to Harry's door while the others cast spells, but she had forced herself too much, and she could no longer ignore it, so Ron accompanied her, she complained that she could arrive alone, but a strong dizziness made her change her mind and realize that she needed help.</p><p> </p><p>The two of them almost threatened Sirius, Remus and Severus, who stayed, to keep them up to date. Although they were tired from the vigil they had kept out of Harry's apartment, they were not going to leave easily. They kept trying as much spell they knew, but it was impossible. Harry had used a spell to make his balcony disappear, when they tried to enter it, they realized that after the 15th floor they reached the ceiling. All they could see was the front entrance door, but there was no way to open it. They didn't hear any noise inside, and they even thought that this was a decoy and Potter was hiding somewhere else. But they quickly dismissed the idea. Sirius's desire to strike back at Snape was still strong enough, but he cornered them to collaborate with the man under Harry. He was rather puzzled by the notorious concern the potion master was showing, only he didn't pay much attention to it as concerned as he was. They had tried to locate Cedric after a couple of attempts to not be able to enter the apartment, it was obvious that he would have a key, or a way to enter the apartment, or at least an answer to what was happening, but nobody knew how to give them his whereabouts at the badger job, and though none said anything, they wondered why they had been waiting so long, and there was still no sign of Harry's boyfriend.</p><p>Severus's legs ached from exhaustion, they had nearly twelve hours trying to enter the apartment and he had only briefly rested sitting on the floor at a time that allowed Black to try escape spells on the door. They had only eaten something that Molly had brought them before the matriarch had to disappear again, with the news that Hermione had felt so bad, that they had to take Saint Mungo and have her under observation. When the twelve-hour vigil was exactly over, where Sirius cast spells almost randomly at the door, the badger appeared from the elevator by the stairs. The four men stared at him, and Cedric stopped halfway out of the elevator when he saw them. For a moment his features changed and he frowned, he looked annoyed, and he really was, he thought Potter had invited them without telling him, in that case he would not have come, he did not like spending time with them too much, and he would have preferred to stay having a drink at a club, he had also had a rather heavy day and wanted to sleep for a while in peace.</p><p> </p><p>…………………………………………….</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Cedric sighed as he pressed the button for the 16th floor in the elevator. He planned to get to Harry's apartment and rest from that heavy day, he couldn't at home. His plans were to stay in bed and visit Potter the next day, and maybe take him to the movies or something to make him happy, but he had to change his plans. Tiffany had claimed him, again the girl yelled at him that she had more years with Cedric than Potter had, but Harry was the boyfriend in front of the world, while she was nothing. She did not understand in any way that she was of no use to him, and that he could leave as soon as he wanted. The girl, as usual, had made a tremendous tantrum, but Cedric had ignored her and left it, weighed her options and decided to go to his boyfriend to rest, but now he would have preferred to go to some bar, or directly go to some motel to sleep</p><p> </p><p>It wasn't because he was bad, but he didn't like being surrounded by Potter's relatives too much, and there was also Severus Snape, he always hated the potions master during his student days. And now they were there, in front of Potter's door, the three of them. What a misery by day.</p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 11</p><p> </p><p>“What are you doing here?” Cedric said trying to smile, but it was obvious that he disliked their presence.</p><p>"We want to talk to Harry," Remus stepped forward.</p><p>"Talk to Harry ..." repeated the badger, "well, I'll leave you for privacy, tell him I'll come later."</p><p>He turned around, ready to get out of there quickly, but he felt his arm grab.</p><p>"Wait there," Sirius stopped him, "he doesn't want to open us and we need ..."</p><p>Sirius stopped dead in his tracks, noted a red mark on the shirt collar of the badger´s, an unmistakable mark of lipstick. Sirius was a womanizer for too long not to know what lipstick was on a shirt.</p><p>“What the fuck do you have there?”</p><p>Cedric seemed to hesitate for a moment.</p><p>“What are you talking about? He said reluctantly”, he just wanted to go rest.</p><p>"This shit," Sirius said, still holding onto the badger with one arm and pointing at the mark, "What the fuck is this? Why do you have lipstick on your shirt?!”</p><p>At that question, Remus blinked several times without fully understanding what was going on, but Severus reacted differently, he didn't know much about Harry's story with his boyfriend, and he didn’t care, he just wanted to know the reason for Potter's situation, and perhaps Cedric was that reason, although he didn't have much evidence to prove it. He pulled out his wand anyway.</p><p>Diggory brushed off Sirius' grip</p><p>"I don't have to explain nothing," he said to Black, he didn't see the spell that hit him.</p><p>Severus said a spell that slammed him against the wall. The main thing Diggory felt was the blow to his left shoulder, which received the impact first, then his body slid to the floor and he sat holding his shoulder.</p><p>“What is happening with Potter? Severus asked with his jaw clenched, approaching the boy and bending down to catch up with him. "Answer me before I spell the information out for you."</p><p> "I don't know what you´re talking about," he said, trying to stand up without much success, "I don't know what happens to the useless Potter."</p><p>Useless Potter? He was referring to his partner as useless, and that did not go unnoticed by the other three present. While Severus knew that he himself had said many qualifying adjectives to Harry, he well knew that a common couple, as they were supposed to be, should not speak to each other that way. He turned to Sirius and, giving him a short glance that the other quickly understood, raised his wand and pointed at Cedric.</p><p>"Legilimens," he said, and entered the other's mind</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>……………………………………………………..</p><p> </p><p>Cedric had gone to that ministry party without expecting too much from a surely boring meeting. That afternoon he had quarreled with Tiffany, his… girlfriend? Partner? No, perhaps her friend with benefits for two years. Although it was obvious that she wanted more than just sleeping with him.</p><p>It really hadn't been a fight to the full extent of the word, she was claiming that she wanted to formalize their relationship, and Cedric simply ignored her. Tiffany exploded when she found out that she couldn't accompany him to that meeting, but Diggory still didn't pay much attention to her. He knew that a few words were enough for the girl to calm down the next day.</p><p>He was getting very bored, he knew a few people but none of them attracted him enough to carry on a conversation that was too long, until he visualized Potter. He had seen Hermione, Ron and Harry arrive early, but now he did not see Potter's two lackeys, and something told him to approach him. To tell the truth Harry was physically attractive to him, he was quite handsome and the stigma of savior from the wizarding world was something that also attracted attention. He had accepted his bisexuality a long time ago, when he realized that the only thing that interested him in a couple was one thing: that she was attractive. And that night, Harry looked attractive.</p><p>He didn't care much what they were talking about, anyway his main goal had been to get him to bed, and by the end of the night he had succeeded. The only moderately bad thing was discovering a horrendous scar that the other had on his torso, it made him really sick, but when Harry covered it, it was as if nothing had happened. His wishes never went beyond that, spending a night and that's it. But something appeared the day after that meeting an opportunity that he couldn´t reject. He was applying for a fairly important job to tell the truth, they called him to say that his resume was excellent, but that he had not put references, things that others had. He thought about it for a second, what if he put Potter on?</p><p>He didn't question it too much. He contacted him pretending to want a second date, and in a way he managed to get the other to accept with pleasure his reference, they gave him the job almost immediately, and he knew that he had his golden egg.</p><p>He understood that the best thing was to continue with Harry, the bad thing is that unlike Tiffany, with the Gryffindor he did have to make the relationship public, but in a way that also benefited him. Tiffany found out, she fought a lot, but he knew how to make her see that it suited both of them, and she liked the gifts Cedric gave her, so she waited, anyway the badger promised to leave Harry soon and stay with her</p><p>He was promoted after the year both for his abilities and for his “relationships” with Potter, the problem was that he did not want Potter at all. Having sex with him wasn't bad, because sex is just that, and for him it was always good to do it with Potter or Tiffany.</p><p>The problem was that he had to live with Potter, talk to him, go out with him, and go to family gatherings ... and that made him a little desperate.</p><p>At some point he knew he had to finish that, but he really didn't know when. Three years passed without him noticing, in his eyes a problem added to their relationship, some time ago his "boyfriend" began to neglect his figure and appearance. And as much as it was giving him benefits, he was not comfortable dating someone who was not attractive, because then he took away the attractiveness of his own person, and perhaps for that reason, he was always trying to make Potter realize how ugly he was.</p><p> </p><p>……………………………………………… ..</p><p> </p><p>Severus' breathing became erratic and irregular when he broke the spell. He couldn't believe what he had seen in Cedric's mind, in any way that could be true.</p><p>He wanted to cast a spell on the badger bastard again and break his face, but in a second change of heart and did something a thousand times better, he raised his fist and stamped it on his face: twice.</p><p>With the blow he had dealt to Sirius he had learned that a punch was far more pleasurable than a spell. He was ready to give Cedric the third punch, but Remus stopped him.</p><p>"Let's solve Harry first," said the werewolf. He didn't know what the potions master had seen, but it was obviously a very bad thing if he reacted like this, and in that case, after knowing Harry safe, it would also help to grind the other to blows. “If you reacted like this it is because this is more serious.”</p><p>"He provoked it, he has been cheating Potter, using him."</p><p>“Is true?” Sirius asked the younger man with his eyes alight. “Tell me you haven't hurt my godson.”</p><p>Sirius was about to ignore Lupin's suggestion to first solve Harry's and then hit Cedric, as he was about to target Diggory and start cursing him until the next century, but something stopped him.</p><p>They stopped completely when they felt a change, it was quite abrupt and sudden and with a dry noise and, although they never really felt the force field that was around the department, if they knew that this sensation was because the shield had been suddenly withdrawn . The three of them were too skilled to not notice.</p><p>Neither knew what had happened, and within the apartment Harry, perhaps because of his drunken state, had not realized that to cross the other side of the railing on his balcony, he had to break the shield. For the protection he had put in prevented them from entering, or leaving. Severus wasted no time and cast a spell against the door, he did not budge. Even without the shield it was protected, perhaps they could try it from the balcony, but remembering that they already had Cedric, he lifted him without much thought about the boy's bloody nose and forced him to open the door. He did so. When they opened the door, the first thing they saw were the blood-stained crystals on the floor, it took them no more than two seconds to enter completely and see the worst vision they could have after Voldemort's time. The three entered just as Harry was about to drop, when he was already completely on the other side of the railing, the apartment was not very large and could be seen perfectly from where they were.</p><p>Maybe it all happened in slow motion, or at least that's how Severus saw it. He heard Remus shout Harry's name as he and Sirius ran at the same time, he felt everything so slow that he even counted the steps. He felt his footsteps creak as he stepped on scattered glass on the floor, and Black shouted his godson's name.</p><p>That happened in two steps.</p><p>Severus couldn't scream focused as he was, Harry never turned to see them, perhaps because he was too drunk to understand that they were calling him in his apartment, and not in his mind. Another step. Severus raised his wand when he was halfway there, saw Harry's hands release the rail, he took another step and opened his mouth to utter the spell, Harry's body leaned forward when Severus took another step and cast a spell that didn't work, two more steps when Potter's body was already completely out of sight, another step and he was touching the railing, he arrived before Sirius, cast another spell and, without stopping to think, he also threw himself to catch up Harry.</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>When he woke up he felt disoriented and dizzy, he opened his eyes feeling his body heavy, almost unable to move and with a slight pain in one of his wrists, the white lights of the place did not allow him to see correctly, and he had to blink several times to be able to adapt his sight.</p><p>"Oh honey, you finally woke up." Said someone beside him.</p><p>It took Severus a second to realize he had Molly Weasly on a side of his bed, and it took him a few more seconds to realize they were in a hospital room. The woman had red eyes as a sign that she had been crying, and remembering everything that had happened, Severus was alarmed.</p><p>Was she crying for Potter?</p><p>"Harry ..." he tried to say, but it was harder than he thought, his throat was dry and a headache was present.</p><p>Molly took a moment, it seemed that she had tears stuck in her throat that would not let her speak.</p><p>"He is fine," she said at last, trying to keep her composure, "they have him under observation."</p><p>He tried to stand up but Molly asked him to lie down.</p><p>"You are hurt Severus, you must rest."</p><p>He didn't want to rest, he wanted to see Harry. He managed to sit up in bed still against the woman, his legs dangling to one side, and he felt dizzy again.</p><p>“What happened?” He asked, the last thing he remembered was throwing himself after Harry. Molly handed him a glass of water when she heard his throaty voice, he drank it down in a second. "Where's Potter?"</p><p>"Too many things have happened and I haven't fully understood everything," Molly said, helping him to stand up when she realized that Severus would ignore the rest instructions. "If you want, talk to Sirius, he knows more than me. He's with Harry. I only know that Harry is fine now. Ron, Hermione and I were here because she gave birth due to the stress of what happened, and between her and you I haven't been able to be with anyone for a long time.</p><p>Severus had a bad headache, and all he really wanted to do was see Harry, but at one point he felt bad for Granger´s situation, it must be quite traumatic.</p><p>“How is she?” he asked.</p><p> Molly smiled thinking about her new grandson.</p><p>"She's fine just like her baby, they just need rest."</p><p>Severus nodded, truly relieved, the last thing he wanted was a tragedy that would make the situation worse, and the girl had done everything possible to help Harry. He also asked Molly how long he had been asleep: about six hours had passed since the accident, he couldn't believe he had slept so much.</p><p>Suddenly he was able to feel something on the side of his head, perhaps he had not felt it before due to his daze, he put his hand to the right part of his forehead and felt a small bandage, he also had a bandage on his right wrist that he didn´t noticed.</p><p>“They had to stitch you up. I don't think you have any scar left, "she said.</p><p>Severus just nodded and decided to look for Harry — he didn't care too much if he had any scars left or not at that moment —. Molly indicated him in which room Potter was, but she would go with Ron and Hermione to see how she was doing, and tell Remus that Severus already woken up. Apparently the lycanthrope had asked to be informed when Harry and Severus woke up.</p><p>Potter's room was close to his, he paused for a second in front of the door, he was alone, Molly had already turned the corner to some other room looking for Ron and Hermione, and Severus didn't know if he should enter or not. Did he have the right to come in and see how Potter was? It really wasn't absolutely anything from the Gryffindor, he had no real reason to go into the hospital room to see him, that was something only family and friends did, and Snape didn't feel either way. He was simply a foolish man who had fallen in love alone, pathetic.</p><p>He shook his head trying not to think about that, he told himself that he would only go in to see Potter and leave immediately. He had already shown his concern in front of the others, no one would judge him even more – he expected that — if he decided to enter in the Gryffindor´s room.</p><p>He thought about if he needed to knock the door, and in the end he ended up simply opening the door and entering the room. Inside was only Sirius, who gave him a long look when he felt him behind his back.</p><p>Black was sitting on the bed, and he nodded at him that he could get closer.</p><p>“How is he?” Severus asked when he was close enough to the bed and he could see Harry. The boy looked so fragile lying on that hospital bed, without the glamor hiding him, with his eyes closed and his breathing so slow that it was barely noticeable.</p><p>"Stable," Sirius said in a defeated voice, at some other time he would have said some comment that would annoy the potions master, but at that moment he did not feel like fighting with the other, and less after what he had done for his godson.  He is weak not only from the blow, but also from his… nutritional status. He was not feeding well, he was already weak before the fall, as the doctors explained to me. But he is already stable now.</p><p>It was strange, who saw them both so calm next to each other, would think that both men were a mirage and not the real Severus Snape and Sirius Black, who never wasted time in insulting or cursing each other. But neither of them felt like fighting when Harry was in that state. And Black, even if he didn't want to admit it, owed the potions master too much for what he had done.</p><p>“What happened?”</p><p>“Do you remember that you threw yourself for him?” Sirius asked without any trace of malice or mockery. Even so Severus couldn't help but be slightly embarrassed, though he didn't show it. "You cast a spell."</p><p>"Release two, the first one didn't work."</p><p>Sirius nodded.</p><p>"Harry has always been so powerful ..." he sighed," without knowing it, he was preventing us from saving him. When you cast the second and threw yourself, you somehow prevented Harry from dying because the spell stopped you from falling, but you managed to hold on to Harry and so you saved him too. But how his magic is so strong,” he paused a little, “his magic tried to break the protection spell, and you both ended up hitting each other, though at least….</p><p>Sirius could not continue, but Severus understood. If Severus didn´t threw himself from the balcony, they wouldn´t have been able to stop Harry's fall, the spell worked only because, during the fall, he had grabbed Potter, and still couldn't prevent them from hitting each other. Sirius must have been thinking about what would have happened if Snape hadn't...</p><p>“Why are you alone?” Said the potions master when the silence became somewhat awkward.</p><p>“Molly didn't tell you? Hermione's baby is already born. He had some complications for getting ahead, but it will be fine. We've moved from her to Harry,” he hesitated to add the last, “even to you, too.”</p><p>Severus nodded slowly, thinking that perhaps it was time for him to leave, he had seen Harry and there wasn't much reason for him to stay there, but he really didn't want to leave. Although he immediately remembered something else.</p><p>“What happened to Diggory?” He asked, in a rather low tone of voice, the mere thought of the badger making him angry.</p><p>Sirius tensed slightly, something that did not go unnoticed in Snape's trained eyes. Black looked directly at Harry before speaking.</p><p>"I couldn´t control myself and... I cursed him."</p><p>That was logical, Severus didn't understand the other's dramatic reaction, unless… how exactly did he curse him?</p><p>“What did you do to him Black?” He asked genuinely curious, doubting that anything they had done to him was enough punishment, but he was interested to know.</p><p>Sirius did not answer, smiled slightly and stood up.</p><p>"Let Remus tell you," he said simply, and then mentioned something about that he wanted to go eat and that he would take advantage of Severus being there to watch Harry. He walked to the door and added, "Thank you for everything."</p><p>And he left without saying more and without waiting for an answer.</p><p>Severus sat in the chair where Black had previously been. Somehow he thought that going to eat something was just a vague excuse for the other to leave him a moment alone with Harry, apparently he had written all over his face his desperation to be near Potter. He did not think what it meant that Black acted so forgiving, for the moment he would only take advantage of the occasion.</p><p>He looked more closely at Harry and, in an act of courage, took him by the hand.</p><p>"You are a stupid Potter," he whispered, "you don't know how many people love you and care about you ... me included."</p>
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<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter 13</p><p>His head was throbbing a lot, and perhaps that was what made him wake up. He complained a bit when he tried to open his eyes and the bright light blinded him. Vaguely came to his memory the moment he throw himself from the top of the building where he lived, so logically he was already dead.</p><p>For a moment he thought he could get to heaven after dying, he had done enough good things, but if his body hurt like that it meant he must be in hell, apparently.</p><p>"Harry...” he heard a voice, but could not identify where it came from.</p><p>He tried to move but his body really weighed, he felt very weak, his eyelids weighed horrors.</p><p>"Harry, you woke up."</p><p>Severus? It was too much like Severus' voice, but he loved Severus very much, it meant that he couldn't be in hell, you can't suffer if there is someone you love. Unless it was a demon that would torment him in the form of Severus... no that couldn't be. He finished slowly opening his eyes and tried to accommodate his sight, even without his glasses he could see that it was Severus.</p><p>"My gla...sses" it was difficult for him to speak, his throat was dry. Severus noticed and gave him some water that had been left near the bed, as well as grabbing the glasses that were on the table and gently putting them on.</p><p>“Better?”</p><p>Harry just nodded.</p><p>“What happened?” asked Harry.</p><p>“I think you should explain that to us." Severus became serious without really wanting it, he would have liked to speak to him in a more delicate way, but perhaps the situation warranted him to face him directly “You locked yourself up with a spell in your apartment, and when we managed to enter alone it was to see you fall from the balcony. Harry closed his eyes and slowly opened them again. “</p><p>I drank too much.”</p><p>“There's no doubt. But the problem is why you drank.”</p><p>“Severus I...” He tried to get up a little, Severus helped him to remain half seated.</p><p>“Harry,” said Snape when the other did not continue, “What happened to you? Not today,” he clarified. “What happened to you?</p><p>“Voldemort...”</p><p>“Is this a spell from him?”</p><p>Harry shook his head, Voldemort hadn't done what Snape was implying.</p><p>“He made these scars to me,” he said, running his hands over his clothes, even without seeing it. Severus perfectly remembered the scars he had seen, "he made this deformity that I am now," he continued speaking as his hand ran over the scars he had.</p><p>That caused Severus to squeeze his chest. Potter looked so fragile, so broken, so damaged.</p><p>"You stopped eating Potter, and you hid behind a Glamor."</p><p>"I didn't want anyone to see the scars, I was afraid. Then I was with Cedric and he didn't like them, I realized that hiding was a good decision.”</p><p>"It wasn't," Snape said flatly, "it was never a good decision to hide you, nothing Voldemort did to you should embarrass you, and if Cedric made you think that…" He stopped when he saw Harry's crystallized eyes, it was not his intention to do him cry, so he should calm down. "You shouldn't hide. Those scars...”</p><p>“These scars are indelible Severus, most of them were made with dark magic, mainly this one” he said passing his hand hard for the one he hated the most “I hate it, I can't see myself in the mirror without feeling disgust of myself. How can other people don’t feel disgust too?</p><p>"I don't feel disgusted," he cut quickly, "I don't feel disgusted with you in any way."</p><p>"You should be, I'm a monster," Harry interrupted, "stop eating when I thought maybe it would help not to look so bad, and Cedric agreed."</p><p>One thing was for sure, Severus was going to kill Diggory. To kill him to the full extent of the word. While he was understanding that what Harry had wasn't all the fault of the badger, that damn thing had contributed to his condition. He was realizing that Potter had been suffering about his appearance without telling anyone, because he mentioned that he was using a spell to hide them, but that when Cedric came into his life, his insecurities had been confirmed. Snape believed that nothing Sirius had done to Cedric would be enough.</p><p>And then the food thing… Harry had used it as a way to make up for what he thought were blemishes, and the one who was supposed to be his boyfriend…</p><p>“Did he tell you to stop eating?” He asked, having an idea of the possible answer.</p><p>Harry seemed not to want to answer, but the look the other gave him did not allow him to remain silent.</p><p>“I didn't eat much when I met him anyway…”</p><p>“Did he tell you to stop eating”? He repeated.</p><p>“He was just saying maybe I was gaining weight, He was saying it to help me."</p><p>It was notorious that Harry didn't blame Cedric for absolutely nothing, and yet his words showed just how guilty he was. Suddenly, a small doubt invaded him.</p><p>“Was for him that you stopped going to the cafeteria?</p><p>Harry shrugged slightly</p><p>"He made me understand I was eating too much candy. The only thing I regret about was I didn't see you anymore.”</p><p>Severus regretted too, he didn't go to that cafe because he liked it, he just went to meet Potter "casually", but maybe it wasn't time to say that. Silence flooded them for a moment, Snape didn't quite know what to say next, he really wanted to yell at Harry a lot. He wanted to yell at him in first place that there was nothing wrong with him, that those scars were proof that he was the bravest and most dedicated magician ever, that he had risked himself for his loved ones, and that thanks to all the effort had realized, the magical world was safe. But obviously in the state the boy was in, it wouldn't help.</p><p>He wanted to yell at him that he should never stop eating, he had nothing to compensate, and he was perfect. Cedric was just a stupid, damn badger whose opinion was worth nothing, that he had many people worried about him who would never think of him as a monster, but maybe it wouldn't do to shout that either.</p><p>He wanted to tell him that for Severus Snape, Harry Potter would never be a monster, he would never be something repulsive, just the opposite. Severus had long accepted that Harry meant everything good, everything beautiful and wonderful that he could never have. In the eyes of the potionist, Harry was the most beautiful person in the world, even in that hospital bed, even with how bad he looked from his poor diet, even with everything, he still looked like an angel in the eyes of Severus, and that Although it might not help either, it was all he could say.</p><p>"Potter," he said, getting the other's attention, "you don't disgust me,  I've always felt that you are someone… special."</p><p>It wasn't that he didn't want to say special things to him, it was that he just didn't know how to say it. He usually kept his feelings to himself, and thought that the cheesiness wasn't for him, but Harry needed sweet, supportive words. And he would give them to him even if it meant showing himself, exposing his feelings, which would surely be rejected.</p><p>But he didn't care if they were of any use to the boy in bed understanding how special he was.</p><p>"You are special in every way. You are brave, kind, you are stubborn, perhaps too” he said smiling “and beautiful too. No matter how you look, you are simply beautiful.”</p><p>The tears Harry had been holding back from the beginning spilled out right then and Severus wiped them away with his good hand.</p><p>"Severus...”</p><p>“You have nothing wrong, maybe now you don't realize it, but I know that you will one day, you will realize how special and beautiful you are, maybe you can see in you what I see, because I see you as the most beautiful thing in the world”</p><p>“I…”</p><p>Whatever Harry was going to say, he was interrupted when Remus entered with Sirius, both men were surprised when they saw him awake and quickly approached the bed. Severus thought it was time to go, but as soon as he got up from the chair Remus took him by the sleeve.</p><p>"Stay," he said, as Sirius hugged Harry.</p><p>And Severus stayed. In every sense.</p><p>Soon everyone else would come to the room, and they did so by holding back tears so as not to cry in front of Harry. That same day Severus told them part of what he had spoken to the boy — omitting his clear statement — and they all agreed that Harry needed professional help, and with everyone, they also included Severus. Why this, without realizing it, was included in Harry's "family" when everyone supported the Gryffindor in his recovery.</p><p>And maybe, just maybe, Snape didn't mind that fact. He was close to Harry after all, and even if he didn't admit it out loud, it didn't bother him being among that crazy "family" after all.</p>
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<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><br/>Chapter 14</p><p>- How I look?</p><p> That simple question always brought a kind of trap in that situation, and Snape knew it. Harry watched him standing from the doorframe of Severus' room, waiting for an answer. For the potionist, Harry always looked good, that was something he did not need to discuss with anyone, but at the time that he had lived with the boy and his recovery, he knew that the other was more than nervous about the answer.</p><p>Three years had passed since they were in the hospital, days later Harry learned all the details of his rescue, including the blows that Severus gave Cedric and that the potions master had thrown himself to save him, which was too much for him. He didn't understand how Severus had risked himself for him, he wasn't worth that much. Or at least he thought he wasn't worth that much.</p><p>Even with Harry's reluctance, everyone agreed on something: the boy needed help. That was undeniable, for privacy reasons, Hermione managed to find a psychiatrist who worked among Muggles, but who had knowledge of the magical world, they did not need Harry to be the subject of interviews and articles in some magical newspaper or magazine about his health mental.</p><p>The psychiatrist — her name was Mefys, or at least was her diminutive — was quite kind. Although at first, Harry didn't want to know anything about her, but step by step he understood that he felt a little better when he was with her. She diagnosed him with body dysmorphic disorder, from which an anorexia had been derived to try to "fix his defects.”</p><p>The treatment of both was long, long, but Harry found quite a bit of support along the way. With those three years he was barely coping with many things, although he still had a long way to go. Something very important that the psychiatrist had explained was, as far as possible, he could not live alone. It would not be the right thing, not only would he have therapy sessions with her, they would also indicate a pharmacological treatment that, logically, he had to comply with. There was also the fact that they needed someone to notice if he was consuming his meals.</p><p>Sirius told him to go live with him and Remus at his house, even they told him that if he didn't want to leave in Sirius´s apartment, they would go with him. Molly also offered her house, and Hermione and Ron made the same. Harry thought about it for almost a week, he really didn't know what to do, he didn't want to go live with anyone because he felt it would be a burden, but his family had already given him an ultimatum, if he didn't decide himself, they would.</p><p>They knew they had to let Harry go at their own pace in recovery, but certain things had to be forced on them if they wanted to help, and one of them was to keep an eye on him for further treatment. Harry's indecision lasted until Severus, not quite knowing why he was doing that, also offered to stay with him; and Harry accepted immediately.</p><p>They had never brought up the subject of Snape's statement again, and the potions master took it as a rejection, but their friendship had continued, and he was more than willing to support Harry in his recovery, so he swallowed his feelings and he was the person Potter needed at the time.</p><p>As he would continue teaching, they decided to look for something small that mainly had a fireplace and two rooms, so that Snape could go to and from school. Minerva was one of the few who found out about the situation, and without hesitation helped Severus. Although Harry's decision to ask Snape to live with him astonished many, no one complained. Well, Sirius wanted to complain that he should be the one to take care of his godson, but he restrained himself since Remus threatened him.</p><p>The first year was perhaps the worst, in which denial was most present. Snape had to put up with Harry suddenly refusing to take the medicine, or exploding saying he didn't need to go to any doctor. There was also the fact of food, the first year it was quite difficult to establish a daily eating routine.</p><p>Cedric's subject was also somewhat difficult to handle and that for a few months added to the boy's bad days. It had been explained to Harry that the things he lived with his now ex-boyfriend were not healthy in any way, but there were certain days when he got depressed thinking that maybe the badger was right and that he was gone because he wasn't enough " beautiful." The truth is, after Sirius spell him with something Snape still couldn't believe, Black and Remus threatened Diggory that if he got close to Harry again, it would be much worse. They did nothing more for a simple fact: they did not want Harry to find out that, in addition to everything he had suffered, Diggory was unfaithful to him from the beginning. Harry was already carrying too many things at the moment, and they did not want to carry the extra trauma that having more than two years with someone who from the beginning has been unfaithful to you should suppose. He would probably find out someday, but for the moment they understood that they were doing their best. And Severus agreed, as did Hermione and Ron, although they didn't like hiding something so serious from their friend at all.</p><p>In that same first year, the psychiatrist told them that he had the alternative of hospitalizing him for a year in case they did not get an improvement, so Severus asked him to detail everything he could do to avoid reaching that point. He wouldn't let Potter be interned if he could help him. No one could say that it had been easy, but neither did they expect it to be. Three years since then, Harry had managed to gain some weight. His eating habits were not completely healthy, as he sometimes refused to eat — when he said he had eaten too much already — or when Severus found him returning the food. But at least he had already understood that what he did was harmful to his health, and that in itself was one of the greatest steps he could take. Another important fact was that it had only been two months since Harry had decided to not use anymore the Glamor. He had not felt completely ready and the doctor told them that some things had to be decided by him as the therapy progressed. So for Severus it was too good when one night when he returned from Hogwarts, Harry said to him:</p><p>“What would you think of me if I stop using the spell?”</p><p> Severus couldn't help but hug him, and Harry reciprocated that hug.</p><p>Since they had been living together there had been no rapprochement beyond friends. Or so Snape saw it. They used to have breakfast and dinner together, or at least Harry tried.</p><p>They spent many nights together, sometimes in complete silence while Snape read or corrected jobs and Harry listened to music or slept in the cabinet with Snape, other times Harry told him the funny things that had happened in the ministry, and although they didn´t seem so funny to Snape, he always smiled at the faces Harry made.</p><p>For a moment he thought that at some point the intensity of his feelings would diminish, but only increased with having him so close each day. Poor fool.</p><p>"You look good Harry," he said finally.</p><p>Harry pursed his lips, probably hesitating. He always doubted when others told him that his physical appearance was fine, and more after he stopped using Glamor. They were getting ready for the Christmas party that would be at Molly's house, since they lived together, Severus could no longer get rid of attending any party or meeting, but went at the request of Harry, he did it by obligation of Molly or Remus. With Sirius things had reached a neutral point. No curses or blows, although from time to time phrases were thrown that could not be heard by minors and almost always had different opinions on such trivial topics as "what color to paint a room", but they could not be asked too much them two.</p><p>When they were ready Harry took the potions master's hand and they appeared. Holding the hand of the tallest was something Harry had learned that gave him confidence and helped him relax when he felt stressed. And even if he was going to a party with his family, going without the spell on made him slightly anxious. When they appeared in the burrow Harry did not let go of Severus' hand, and thus they walked to the front door.</p><p>"Severus," said Harry, drawing the other's attention, "thank you."</p><p>“You do not have to…”</p><p>“Yes, I have. I think that if it hadn't been for you ... I don't even know what I think already. You have helped me in so many ways, I don't even know how to thank you. Before ... I used to think that I was alone, that I didn't have anyone, you know?”</p><p>“You are not alone Potter.”</p><p>“I know," he smiled, "I know now. And it's for you. This whole process has been hard, for me, my family, and for you more. You have seen in this difficult process the beauty that I cannot see in myself.”</p><p> They were already at the door without daring to knock, the noise inside indicated that they were making a mess between music and games, but none dared to knock</p><p>“Everything I've done is nothing compared to what you deserve Potter</p><p>"Harry, Severus, tell me Harry, how many times do I have to tell you?"</p><p>Severus didn't answer him, he would keep saying so if that bothered him. Instead he said:</p><p>“Nothing will be too much for you, my beautiful. Everything I do will always be for you.”</p><p>Harry smiled and rising a little to Severus's height, and kissed him. The older man never expected that, but he reacted quickly to respond as he closed his eyes. It was a slow, short kiss, too short for Severus, who waited for more when Harry parted.</p><p>"Then," he said as he knocked on the door, "now we must enter."</p><p>It wasn't a second before Molly opened the door and greeted them warmly to tell them to come inside. Everyone was already in the room putting together some games for the children. Harry stepped forward, but surprise did not allow Snape to move from his place.</p><p>What had that kiss meant?</p><p>And that later?</p><p> He decided that he could wait until later to ask, after all, later he could get another kiss.</p><p> </p>
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<a name="section0015"><h2>15. 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Epilogue</p><p> </p><p> “How do I look?”</p><p>Harry asked nervously. He looked in the full-length mirror from top to bottom, feeling he must fix something in his suit that he still couldn't see.</p><p>Hermione saw him with a huge smile as she reached out to slightly straighten his tie.</p><p>"You look charming."</p><p>“Do you think he likes the way I look?”</p><p>“Severus?” she asked laughing “we have all seen how he looks at you, he always ogles you.</p><p>His cheeks flushed slightly, the whole situation had him a little nervous and he couldn't help but feel that way.</p><p>"You look gorgeous too," Harry said, looking at Hermione’ dress.</p><p>"Of course, I'm your maid of honor, I must be beautiful." Hermione walked around the entire room showing him the dress, and Harry re-affirmed what he had said. He was lucky that at the last minute who was helping him to dressed was Hermione and not Sirius, he would not relax so much not being with the girl. “You know? I'm worried about Ron,” exclaimed Hermione, “do you think he's alright? I haven't know about him in a while.”</p><p>"You left Ron in charge of the children," Harry remembered smiling, "I don't think he's at all well."</p><p>Hermione nodded, surely between her children - one of six and the other two of ten - Teddy, who was already eleven, and the twins and Bill's children must have been turning Ron upside down, literally.  They imagined the scene, and they couldn't help but laugh imagining Ron groans.</p><p>Four years had passed after the kiss Harry gave Severus in front of the burrow, four years in which they had started a relationship. At first they had decided to go slow, even though they already lived together carrying things too fast - with Harry's situation - could be harmful. So when they returned that night after the first kiss, Severus claimed the "after" that Harry had said, and claimed another kiss.</p><p>Their situation did not go beyond shared hugs and kisses, and sleeping embraced in the same bed one night. Severus would go to the rhythm of Harry, that situation was much more than he had imagined, and he would accept anything Harry gave him. Almost five months passed before Potter took the next step: they first night. It was a rather awkward first time due to the fear that enveloped them in taking that step, but that was the beginning of many others.</p><p>They planned to keep it in secret and see how they progressed, none knew how Hermione noticed and began to shout it excitedly at a family meal in front of everyone present, including Sirius. Black suspected Harry and Severus had a relationship, but he couldn´t help disliking the news and he almost took three days without speaking to anyone being in shock, thinking about that situation.</p><p> It should not be very easy to find out that his only godson had a relationship with a snake that was his greatest enemy for so long. But he had to accept it, nor could he deny that Snape's presence helped Harry in an incredible way, and in case he owed too much to Snape - including the day he saved Harry - so he had to behave like an adult.</p><p>Being in the present, Hermione and Harry felt a knock on the door, and watched as Severus peeked through it.</p><p>"Harry...”</p><p>Hermione reacted quickly when she saw Snape enter the room. The groom could not see the bride before the wedding!</p><p>“<em>Quick</em>, <em>hide</em> behind the drape.! She shouted, almost scaring the potions master at the unexpectedness of that reaction.</p><p>Harry didn't quite know what Hermione was up to, but managed to get behind the curtains in the room. He felt stupid, but that made him laugh when he understood why he should hide.</p><p>“What happens?” Severus asked with a frown. Why Harry have to hide if he arrived?</p><p>"You can't see Harry," Hermione said, folding her arms across from Severus, "that´s unlucky."</p><p>“What?” Severus didn´t understanding anything, he could see Harry behind the big curtains and Granger facing him.</p><p>"It is a tradition," Hermione explained seriously, it was a very important tradition, "the groom cannot see the bride until the wedding."</p><p>“Are you kidding me? Is it a stupid Muggle tradition?” He tried to get closer to where Harry was, but the girl cut him off.</p><p>“You can't see him!” Hermione yelled. "If you see him you’re gonna get bad luck”</p><p>Severus snorted at that stupidity.</p><p>"Granger, we are not Muggles to follow that ridiculous tradition, and Harry  isn´t a woman."</p><p>"That doesn't matter," she exclaimed with determination, "you have to follow the rules. If you want to talk to him, you must blindfold.”</p><p>Severus snorted again in frustration, but upon hearing Harry's laughter at the situation he couldn't help but give in to Hermione's demands. If Harry thought it was funny, why not indulge them in that ridiculous game?</p><p>"Well, I will blindfold myself."</p><p>Hermione smiled, pulled out her wand, and pointed it at the face of Snape. A magic blindfold covered his eyes with a simple spell.</p><p>"It will fade when you leave the room," she said, "and don't try to take it off, or I'll notice."</p><p>Severus nodded wrapped in the darkness he was in now. He heard footsteps walk away and then a closing door, and he knew Hermione had left the room leaving him alone with Harry. A second later, arms wrapped around him and a mouth joined his mouth.</p><p> "This is crazy, isn't it?" he heard Harry's voice when Potter stopped kissing him. "You and me, getting married."</p><p>"Everything with you is crazy, Potter," he replied returning the hug and the kiss, he loved kiss Harry as many times as he could. “I just wanted to know how you were.”</p><p>Severus had worried that the stressful situation — because weddings are a total stress — affected Harry in some way, and since he had not seen him for a while, he decided to escape from the hands of Remus and Arthur and look for him.</p><p>"I'm fine," Harry replied, he loved the concern Severus always gave him, "and now I'm better. This is the best time of my life.”</p><p>"Don't say that, Mr. Potter," said Severus, and even blindfolded gave him a wicked smile, "wait for our wedding night to come."</p><p>Harry blushed and was grateful that the other couldn't see him.</p><p>"It won't be our first time, Severus."</p><p>"I know, but it will be our first night of marriage, and I've prepared something special."</p><p>“What is it?”</p><p>"It's a surprise Potter, you'll have to find out ...”</p><p>Harry's blush was increasing, and although he couldn't see it, Severus deduced it and imagined how beautiful Harry looked embarrassed.</p><p>Harry cleared his throat and tried to change the subject.</p><p>“How do Remus and Arthur treat you?”</p><p>"They're driving me crazy, but when not?" he was trying to look serious, but he was enjoying the whole situation “they keep making changes to me and trying to fix my tie, they've fixed it five times.”</p><p>"They are more nervous than I am."</p><p>"And that you haven't seen your godfather's dog."</p><p>"Severus ...”</p><p>"I'm not lying, he turned into a dog to growl at me after threatening me."</p><p>“Did he threaten you?”</p><p>"He told me that if I did hurt you, he would rip me apart." He shrugged without worrying too much. "Nothing new."</p><p>Harry sighed, he would have to talk seriously to Sirius and make him understand that Severus would never hurt him.</p><p>"I'll speak to Sirius"</p><p>"Don't worry," he interrupted, "I know how worried he is about you. Also, I can control a flea dog easily.”</p><p>Harry responses kissing him, Severus had to leave and, although in a few minutes they would see each other again and this time in front of the altar, he did not want to leave him.</p><p>A few minutes after Snape left, someone else opened his door.</p><p>"Harry," he heard Hermione enter the room, "it's time."</p><p>Harry nodded and together with Hermione they left the room where they were and walked until they reached Sirius, who was waiting for them at the door that led to the large and decorated garden.</p><p>Sirius saw the other Gryffindor stopping, he couldn't help but feel the pride that every parent feels when they see their son in that situation, and he felt Harry as his own child.</p><p>Hermione hurried out into the garden, she didn't want to miss her friend's entrance.</p><p>Sirius took him by the arm, feeling immensely happy every time he saw his son's progress. Although he still couldn't consider Harry fully recovered, in those seven years he had changed quite a bit.</p><p>When the music started playing, they knew that it was their moment to enter having the gaze of everyone present. All his friends and relatives were there, and yet Harry only had eyes for those who waited for him at the altar with a loving look.</p><p>"You're still have time to regret," Sirius whispered as close to his ear so that no one would listen to him as they walked, pretending to smile, "if you want to run away, just tell me and I'll get you out of here."</p><p>Harry pursed his lips to keep from laughing in front of everyone and kept his eyes on Severus.</p><p>"He will take care of me."</p><p>Severus couldn't utter a word, Harry looked so beautiful, so unique. He had a huge smile and eyes bright with joy, and he was immensely proud to know that he was responsible for Harry being so happy.</p><p>When he reached Severus' side, Sirius couldn't help but look at the potions master and with a warning move his lips to say a rudeness without making a sound.</p><p>The officiator — the same old wizard who had married his friends — started with the routine words, and Harry couldn't help but think how wonderful Severus was.</p><p>"I accept," Harry said, staring at him.</p><p>He heard the wedding official clear his throat.</p><p>"Mmm, Mr. Potter, you still don't have to say that."</p><p>The guests' ill-concealed laughter didn't matter to him, it didn't bother him to show how lost he was when he sank into Severus's eyes.</p><p>The magician continued with the routine words and after they both said their vows and they said “I accept”, he smiled at the now couple.</p><p>"You can kiss him," he said at the end, and Snape didn't wait for more invitation.</p><p>After the wedding, of course, there was the party, at which point, alcohol was the most dominant among all. The newlyweds had already been dancing embraced for a while with all the couples around them, when Harry heard a song that brought back so many memories.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>You leapt from crumbling bridges watching cityscapes turn to dust</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Filming helicopters crashing in the ocean from way above</em>
</p><p> </p><p>"It's our song," Harry whispered, looking up at his husband.</p><p>"Of course," Severus gave him a quick kiss, fully feeling the happiness of the moment, "how could our song not sound at our wedding?"</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Got the music in you baby, tell me why</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Got the music in you baby, tell me why</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You've been locked in here forever and you just can't say goodbye</em>
</p><p> </p><p>They had heard it for the second time Harry had come to his office with the excuse of doing his Auror job, and they had heard it several more times when, living together, they listened music lying on a sofa. Neither knew how, but without much thought, it had become "their" song.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Kisses on the foreheads of the lovers wrapped in your arms</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You've been hiding them in hollowed out pianos left in the dark</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Got the music in you baby, tell me why</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Got the music in you baby, tell me why</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You've been locked in here forever and you just can't say goodbye</em>
</p><p> </p><p>Perhaps, it was that the lyrics reflected everything they felt for each other...</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Your lips, my lips, apocalypse</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Your lips, my lips, apocalypse</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Go and sneak us through the rivers flood is rising up on your knees, oh please</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Come out and haunt me, I know you want me</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Come out and haunt me</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>“Did I tell you that I love you?” Harry asked, holding on to one more in the hug. "Thanks for everything Severus."</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Sharing all your secrets with each other since you were kids</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sleeping soundly with the locket that she gave you clutched in your fist</em>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>Severus didn't speak and just kissed him to express everything he was feeling at the time, after all, words aren't always needed to prove something.</p><p> </p><p>Got the music in you baby, tell me why</p><p>Got the music in you baby, tell me why</p><p>You've been locked in here forever and you just can't say goodbye</p><p>You've been locked in here forever and you just can't say goodbye</p><p> </p><p>And Severus always showed Harry things without having to say anything, he showed him his love, his understanding and the love he would always have for him. And Harry gave him back all the love he gave him in even bigger doses.</p><p> </p><p>Oh, when you're all alone, I will reach for you</p><p>When you're feeling low, I will be there, too</p><p> </p><p>... Never before had the lyrics at the end made so much sense to him, and now, at that moment, he knew they had each other.</p><p> </p><p>Forever…</p>
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